White Out
by butterfly.bones
Summary: A new enemy threatens Kurosu Academy, more fearsome and deadly than Kuran Rido...a influx of Mary-Sues, male AND female! Will the Night Class stand and fight, or will they succumb to the unrealistic charms of their pursuers? -Co-Write-ShyLikeThat-
1. The Sudden Influx

_DISCLAIMER_: I don't own Vampire Knight, Matsuri Hino does, and what that means is I do not have the right to slaughter the characters, plot, and the story in general in order to input myself into the place of a preexisting character so I can be a beautiful mysterious pureblood that entices one of the _2D vampires_ _who don't actually exist_ who I fantasize about into loving me and in extension killing a bit of the soul of whoever is reading my pointless 100-word ramble.

Oh, also, references to Kingdom Hearts, Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean, LOTR, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (movie) and by extension the Andrews Sisters, Coraline, THe Wizard of Oz, Moulin Rouge, Alice in Wonderland, Bedtime Stories, Labyrinth, Sleeping Beauty, That 70s Show, Queen, Elton John, Joe Crocker and Jennifer Morren, Charlie the Unicorn, Katy Perry and the Microsoft Word Paperclip as well, none of which are ours.

WARNING: A lot of people will be offended because we are stealing their plots and parodying them. And you know what? We don't care.

…

**EPISODE ONE**

_The Sudden Influx._

…

Takuma is walking around the school grounds. He can do that because he's Takuma and he's _ancient_ and he's skipping out on class because he was alive when whatever the History teacher is rambling on about actually historically happened. This entire situation is in place because the genius vampire hunter Kurosu is actually an idiot who doesn't know the vampires on his campus are old and therefore subjects them to History classes.

"Hey Takuma!" says the aforementioned Chairman, who has appeared in a puff of glitter and whatnot. "We have a new student who's transferring and it's officially your job to take care of her every need, because I said so, because you evidently did _so well _with Maria Kurenai. So here, meet Princess Mizuki Tsunami Sarah Elizabeth Taylor-Hanaki."

He indicated the girl standing next to him.

The girl was gorgeous, to the point where she was almost _blinding_. She had long golden hair that cascaded to the ground in a tumble of golden curls and waves and her body was every vampire's wet dream. One of her eyes was golden like the sun in a particularly bright spring morning and the other was a deep sky blue that was so deep and enticing that men everywhere tripped over themselves because they lost themselves in the deep blue pool that was her deep right iris. She had a pale heart-shaped face and wore a kimono with jeans and several black leather belts. Why? Because she's a Mary Sue and therefore no logic actually exists in her general creation.

"Hi," she said in a voice that sounded like a lark even though larks have the harshest calling voices in the entire bird kingdom, "I'm Princess Mizuki Tsunami Sarah Elizabeth Taylor-Hanaki. I am beautiful and mysterious and I'm also partly European. My mother is the Queen of France and my father is the most damn powerful man in Japan. I'm a supermodel working in Shiki and Rima's company. There was a horrible tragedy in my childhood and I'm here because ninjas are after me and I need protection. I have the power to defeat any enemy by lifting my pinky. Oh, by the way, I'm also a special class of pureblood that gives me the ability of putting Kaname Kuran to his knees. That's because I'm also part werewolf and part demon and part witch and part mermaid. Don't tell him about me, though. I'm a terrible threat to the existence of the vampire race. And did I mention I'm mysterious and I'm a pureblood?"

"Well damn," said Takuma.

"She's all yours," said the Chairman, and he went off to do things that we don't know about. We'll pretend they're desperately urgent and important.

Takuma didn't really know what to say. But being Takuma and about the nicest rich person you'll ever know, he smiled politely and introduced himself.

"Oh, you don't need to do that," Princess Mizuki said. "I know you! I walked with you once upon a dream!"

"Er, okay," Takuma replied edgily. "Um…this way…to…"

Poor Takuma. There was no escape from the twirling, dancing, hyperactive ball of Plot Hole tacked to his shadow now. Halfway to the main building, Takuma ran into Shiki, almost literally, because he had figured the faster they get to the dorm rooms the faster he could ditch this whack job. Unfortunately Shiki just happened to be in the way.

"What is that?" the black-haired boy said tactlessly, pointing to the glittering golden-haired Princess Mizuki.

"That's Princess Mizuki," said Takuma.

"Oh, right, she's that girl who slept her way into the agency yesterday."

Takuma pretended he didn't hear that. He just…didn't want to know.

"She's the most recent Mary Sue in the grounds," the blond offered, "She's, er…her mom is the Queen of France and her dad's a pureblood, or something."

"The French monarchy was abolished with the execution of Louis XVI during the French Revolution in the eighteenth century," Shiki said dryly.

"Very good, Shiki."

"And I doubt she's a pureblood," Shiki continued, "Every Sue who Kaname-sama has thrown out was actually a human wearing Chanel No. 5. If you want to check, have Zero Kiryuu sniff her or something."

"I am too a pureblood," said Princess Mizuki. "But I'm also part werewolf and part demon and part witch and part mermaid and part unicorn---"

"That's exactly _why_ you're not a pureblood," Shiki deadpanned.

"Wait, unicorn?" Takuma blinked incredulously. "Did you say that before?"

"I think this is getting to the point of ridiculousness," Shiki rolled his eyes and walked away.

"So…uh…where's your luggage?" Takuma asked, trying to distract the fuming princess. The second the words left his mouth, a shimmering, rippling vortex appeared beside the princess.

"Oh God, what is that?!" the golden-haired Sue shrieked.

"It's a plot hole," Takuma replied.

She blinked. "Oh. Well, um…I must have forgotten it. My aquatic maid, who's probably just about as beautiful as you if you were a girl, was supposed to come here and bring it to me..."

"Oh," Takuma beamed brightly. "Well, I'm sure we can solve that problem." He reached into the plot hole of Princess Mizuki's luggage and pulled out thousands and thousands of designer bags that the designers themselves gave to her because she was so awesome.

"I like to stay in fashion," she smirked, her different colored eyes twinkling madly.

"Huh," said Takuma. "Well then…hey, this is a fake!"

Princess Mizuki started waving her arms around like some sort of demented jellyfish. "You didn't see that," she whispered.

Takuma blinked.

"Uh...yes I did."

"No you didn't!"

"…what are you doing?"

"I'm using the power of the Force," she replied like it was common sense. "My father was a Jedi."

"I'm sorry, what?!"

"You don't remember ANYTHING."

"Jedi…don't exist."

Another plot hole appeared, eating the previous plot hole…or melding with it. Either way, it got bigger.

"Crap," said Takuma, "I keep forgetting not to say things like that."

"My life is one gigantic tragic mystery," Princess Mizuki whispered wistfully, tears the size of minivans welling up in her eyes. "Woe is me."

Takuma gave up on life.

"...okay, then. Um...would you like to pull your maid out of the plot hole or would you like me to call ours?"

She glared at him as if he didn't know the obvious. "Honey, if I did that, my maid would so totally kill your maid because she's got like superhuman powers." Her face then changed radically a second later, going in for a soft appeal. "But, if you don't mind me asking, is there any spare room in that big dormitory of yours?"

Takuma blanched at the thought of another superhuman maid and shot a wistful glance at the guest house two thousand miles away from where he would be staying. "I...I suppose there is maybe a room or two. They cleared out after Ruka *accidentally* blew up the last two Mary Sues plaguing Kain."

"What?" she stared at him innocently, completely not understand what he just said.

"...never mind," Takuma suddenly brightened. "I'm sure you'll figure it out soon enough. We have a _lovely_ room between two of our _nicest_ residents, Ruka Soen and Akatsuki Kain. I'm sure you'd love it. This way!"

Takuma almost skipped along to the dorms. The Sue was on his heels, her various pieces of faux designer luggage floating behind her in the air, leaving a massive trail of jagged holes in reality in its wake.

"Here we are. This is the Night Class dorm complex." Takuma waved at the massive building looming before them, leading the Princess in through the white oak doors. The girl giggled.

"Oh, this is almost as big as my room at home!"

The blond vampire blinked, looked around the enormous, lavishly decorated complex, and fought to keep his twitching lip under control.

"That's nice, Princess. If you would come with me, please, and get yourself situated?"

The Princess nodded cheerfully with a sweet smile, running her eyes up and down Takuma. The blonde noticed, and groaned.

"You don't mind if I call you Ichi-kun, do you?" Princess Mizuki asked, batting her eyelashes.

"Actually, I---"

"Thanks, Ichi-kun! We're going to be _best_ friends!"

Great. Monday morning and he's already being stalked by the newest Sue.

"Voila, Princess, this is your room," Takuma pointed at an ornate door between two others. There was another massive rippling vortex in front of it. The girl blinked and pointed. "Is that…?"

"I think that's the plot hole of your existence blocking our way," said Takuma.

"Is it safe to walk through?" the Mary-Sue ventured.

"Well, I'm not sure, since it composes of things like unicorns mating with mermaids…" Takuma's lip twisted. "Maybe you should room with Ruka until we figure out how to get rid of it."

"_Hell no_." Ruka stormed out of the next room, her golden-brown hair billowing behind her as she marched up to the next door. Princess Mizuki blanched. This girl was prettier than she was! She was going to _steal _her beloved Ichi-kun away, wasn't she? She was a _hussy!_ Princess Mizuki bristled at the vampire girl. Ruka took hardly any notice as she pushed Princess Mizuki five feet down the hall with a brush of her hand.

"Ruka Soen, first daughter of the House of Soen, sixth child," Ruka said into the plot hole. It emitted a shrill squeal---like that of a pig led to butcher. Ruka ignored it, continuing: "Night Class student at Kurosu Academy, 5'4", Noble First Class…"

"Damn, Ruka," Takuma gazed at her admiringly. "Good idea."

The plot hole of Princess Mizuki's existence begged and screamed for mercy. In this din, Aidou stormed out of the next room.

"Ruka, what the hell---whoa," the blond moved beside his childhood friend, staring into the vortex.

"It's a plot hole," Takuma offered, nodding at Princess Mizuki. Aidou looked like her like she was a three-headed cockroach that had just crawled onto his shoe, before turning back to the plot hole as Ruka declared the lands she was entitled to in the event of her parents' death.

"I've heard of these," Aidou said thoughtfully, "Never seen one up close, though."

"That's because you locked yourself in your room for two weeks until the last of the last batch of Sues were kicked out," Takuma offered as the plot hole gave one last keening noise and popped out of existence.

"There," Ruka glared, pointing at the door. "Get in and leave me alone."

She stormed off into Aidou's open door and slammed it behind her.

"She's in a bad mood," Takuma grinned at Aidou. His fellow blond shrugged.

"Oh, by the way, Takuma," as said vampire lord punted the Sue into the room and locked the door, "The Chairman's sending a bill to Ichiou. He says you and her caused too many rips in reality in that area between the entrance and the main door; Day Class girls are falling in and coming out half-bat half-fish things."

Takuma groaned.

"Great."

"Have fun," Aidou waved as he turned away, "I'm sure she'll break out soon enough."

"Ichi-kun? Ichi-kun, the door won't open. What's wrong with the door, Ichi-kun? I can't see your face through the door, did you know that? Ichi-kun? Oh! I know! With my dragon powers, I can burn down the door! Hold on, Ichi-kun, I'll be right there! Ow! Whoops, sorry, I missed---"

Takuma slapped his forehead and ran to hide.

.-.-.-.-.

Four shadows sat in the darkness of the gargantuan Kain/Aidou suite, illuminated only by the daylight peeking through the curtains and the faint glow of the 70 inch plasma TV screen.

"Takuma-sama, she can't be that bad."

"Oh, yes, she is," Ruka frowned at Kain's back from her belly-down position on his bed.

Takuma nodded furiously. "She was worse than that witch-cat thing that came after Kaname last month."

Kain blanched, sitting on the edge of his bed. "Oh, ouch."

Aidou nodded from in front of the mirror. "I got a look at her. Her eyes are heterochromatic."

"Great. So a twin's going to show up soon?"

"Probably."

The two cousins turned and observed Takuma for another few minutes, before the taller one spoke up.

"Takuma-sama, you've been in here for two hours," Kain said, "I doubt she's still looking for you."

Just then, a shrill, "Iiiiiiiicccccccccchhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-kuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnn-nah!!" rang from through the bolted door. Takuma immediately jumped, twitched, and hid behind the TV until the echoes faded away. Kain rolled his eyes when Takuma then proceeded to shoot him an "I Told You So" look.

"Fine," the redhead relented. "Stay."

"You locked the door, Takuma-sama," Ruka muttered, "With _me in here_, mind you. Is she seriously going to run through wood and about a foot of titanium?"

"I locked _her_ door, too, and if you didn't notice, that didn't get me anywhere."

"Except in here," Aidou commented.

"By the way, Takuma-sama, what are you doing?"

"Shush!" Takuma hissed quietly with one finger against his lips as the Sue's aura finally dropped to the first floor. His eyes darted around the room, hand tightly clutching a control, a frightened look on his face. You could never be to sure whether or not Mary Sues had the ability to pop wherever they goddamned pleased. "I'm hiding...from IT."

"Yes, I know, Takuma-sama," Kain pointed at the screen. "I mean, what are you _playing_?"

"Oh." Takuma blinked, and let off a smile. "Kingdom Hearts 2, it's a really big game right now."

Kain stared at him blankly.

"What?" Takuma asked innocently.

"Who's that?" Ruka pointed at a girl with very light blonde hair traversing the screen.

"That's Namine," Takuma replied, visibly more relaxed as he forgot about Princess Mizuki and delved into the world of Kingdom Hearts, "She's Kairi's Nobody."

"I'm sorry, _who_?"

"What's a Nobody?"

"Kairi," Takuma lifted the case of the game and pointed to a redhead with blue eyes. "A Nobody's what appears when you lose your heart. It's like a part of you except it's separate and…you know what, it's pretty difficult to explain."

"…okay, then."

Suddenly a bright light came from the back of the room. When it receded, the outlines of two figures remained. Takuma screamed, then blinked.

"Oh, good, they're not _her_."

Kain and Aidou groaned. "Great," the latter whined.

"How did you get in here?" Ruka demanded, swinging her legs around to sit beside Kain, "We locked the door!"

The two girls looked at each other, and then pointed to the shimmering plot hole behind them. Visible through it was the lobby of the Night Class Dorm. Aidou looked horrified.

"They can _travel_ through those now?!"

"Of _course_ we can, Hana-chan!" the black-haired one leapt on him. Aidou responded with a horrified strangling sound. The girl grinned at his expression, landing on his lap and trying to snuggle with him, only to fail horribly. She looked up at him through sparkling albino eyes. Somewhere in the background, a thunderstorm started.

"She looks like Larxene," Takuma commented. Nobody paid him any mind.

"Who the hell are you, shorty?!" Aidou demanded, trying to pry the girl off of him.

"I'm Nahano Kitamura Rachel Gray Unlimited, your worst nightmare and the love of your life because you're masochistic!" she replied darkly. "My mother is a famous strategist from a famous Vampire Hunter Clan!" The plot hole made terrible evil cackling sounds at this, swelling and expanding to about twelve feet in diameter.

"And," Nahano continued smugly, "My father is Haruka Kuran!! That's right!! I'm Kaname's little sister!!"

"Actually, that would be Yuuki," Takuma admonished.

"I'm long-lost," she snapped.

Takuma shrugged. "It's _still_ Yuuki." He was immediately smitten by a massive bolt of lightening.

"Hush, blondie!" the raven-haired Sue snarled. "Anyway," she drawled, turning her albino-eyed gaze to Aidou. He scooted back, only to realize that she was on his lap and even if he moved, she would still be there ON HIS LAP. "Somebody stop her!" Ruka shouted. "The plot hole's widening! At this pace it'll EAT THE WHOLE ROOM!"

"Shut up, lady! I'm trying to admonish a wicked one-liner here!"

"Who are _you_?" the rapidly recovered Takuma pointed a shaking finger at the forgotten Other Sue standing by the expanding plot hole, who just so happened to look almost EXACTLY like Ruka, but for a few color edits. The girl raised a delicate eyebrow.

"I?" she questioned. "Who am I? The real question is, who are _YOU_?!" she pointed to Ruka. "I am the original. SHE is the NOBODY!"

Ruka blinked, picked up the case of Kingdom Hearts 2 and raised it to eye level, her amber eyes sliding from the image of Kairi to the flaming red-haired, blue eyed THING pointing at her. "You've got to be kidding me," the Noble muttered dryly. "When did I lose my heart?!"

The plothole grew even bigger.

"Yes, Suki-kun!" the redhead's tirade was now directed at her fellow redhead, "It is I, Akura Neos, whom you love, not this...this FAKE! She's not even right!"

With that, the redheaded Sue darted forward and reached forward, making another tear in reality. She jumped in, Ruka in tow.

"Oh my God!" Aidou screamed, pointing at it. He looked over at his cousin. "It ate Ruka, Akatsuki!"

"Hey!" Kain jumped up, but Takuma leapt forward, latching onto his leg.

"No! Don't follow it! That's exactly what it wants you to do!!"

"Geh!" something fell out of the tear and plummeted into Kain, followed rapidly by 'Akura'.

"What is that?!"

"It's the blonde bitch!"

"No!"

All eyes fixed on Kain.

"It's RUKA!"

"GAH!" Ruka sat up, grabbing a fistful of suddenly platinum-blonde hair. "BITCH! _WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR_?!"

Her redheaded twin snarled right back: "I MADE IT RIGHT!!"

"Can we all focus back to meeeee!?" the albino-eyed girl screamed. "I'm lacking too many lines here! And I am on his fucking lap, hello!?"

"Jesus Christ!" Takuma almost made the mistake of crossing himself. "Quick, we have to shove them back into their plot hole!"

With one combined effort, Takuma, Ruka, Kain and Aidou rushed the two Sues. With a scream, they fell through the plot hole back into the lobby, landing on...Princess Mizuki. The golden-haired girl raised her eyes to the plot hole and gasped. "ICHI-KUN!! I FOUND YOU!!"

"Someone close that plot hole!" Kain shouted, getting up. Aidou tried to start reciting his entire ancestry, but before he had gotten past the second generation, all three Sues had managed to get back on their feet and were rounding on the hole.

"There's no time! Hanabusa!"

"RUN!" screamed Takuma. The four darted through the door, Kain at the forefront breaking it down, just as all three Sues shoved themselves back through the hole.

"Fuck this!" Aidou yelled, trying to get ahead of Ruka. The girl growled, shoving him aside.

"I propose we feed Aidou to them," she snarled to the other two males, her now blonde hair whipping them in the faces.

"We've got to stick together!" Takuma shouted. "Where do you we go? Where do we go?"

"In here, quick," a voice came from the right. The four turned.

"Kaname-sama!"

They happily launched themselves into the pureblood's massive set of rooms. Kaname closed the door, locked it, bolted it, and covered it with ice and several layers of floor.

"Kaname! Where's Yuuki? Is she safe?" Takuma questioned.

"In the Chairman's office; they're having a budget meeting about how to fix up the plot holes popping up around campus," Kaname replied, moving his wardrobe in front of the double doors. "Ruka, what happened to your hair?"

Aidou snickered at this. "She got PWNED."

Ruka reached forward and promply smacked him upside the head.

"It was Kain's new Sue, Kaname-kun," Takuma huffed, catching his breath, "She thinks Ruka's her Nobody and she's trying to turn her into a sort of Namine. In my opinion, _she's_ the Nobody, and she's just convinced she's the original, like the Riku clone…"

Kaname blinked at him blankly. Kain tossed him the case of Kingdom Hearts 2.

"It's complicated," the redhead summarized.

"You don't say," the pureblood muttered, flipping over the case to read the back.

Aidou ran over to the other side of the room, and then turned and peered back at them. "Hey, guys, are you sure that those goddamned plot holes can't just you know, pop up inside these walls here?"

Kaname looked up. "I plot-hole proofed the walls," he said.

"How?"

"By insulating them with copies of the Vampire Knight manga."

"Smart man."

"Wait…in all fairness, where's your Sue, Kaname?"

Kaname looked up and regarded Takuma thoughtfully.

"Well, because of the regal aura of my character, Sues directed towards myself tend to be made leader of the others, as well as popular, pretty, and most of all _smart_. When I locked the door to the suite and started stuffing the walls, I believe she gave up and left the building. You'll likely see her tomorrow morning when we go to class."

"Oh, alrighty then," Takuma replied cheerfully.

"That's got to be the longest I've ever heard you speak continuously, Kaname-sama," Ruka commented. Kaname just looked at her.

"See my point?" the brunette turned to Kain, who shrugged.

Takuma shushed her with a grin, before questioning to the pureblood, "Hey, what's her name?"

Said purblood stared at him.

"Nevermind, then."

"Well, we can't just stay here forever." Ruka huffed, folding her arms at her chest. She looked again to Kain for support because he was obviously sweet on her, and her _alone_. As expected, the redhead nodded.

"What do we do now?"

Kaname sighed and made himself comfortable by the window. "I'm afraid all we can do is wait until Shiki and Rima arrive. The Chairman spoke of more transferees today."

"Damn," said Takuma. "We'd just rid of the last wave a week ago, too."

"What is that crazy man thinking?"

"I bet he thinks this is funny," Aidou snarled.

"He's trying to give them a chance," Takuma wrinkled his nose. "Coexistence and whatnot, like we're doing with the humans. Apparently, back in Sue-land, they have epic fights over who gets to cross over into the sane world and fight for our attentions and things."

Ruka, Kain and Aidou stared at him.

"He _is_ unbalanced," the brunette whispered in awe.

"We should shoot him."

"Cut out his tongue."

"Shoot him, cut out his tongue, then shoot his tongue," Takuma offered. "And trim that scraggly ponytail."

Kaname decided it was time to put his hand down.

"We are NOT a crossover fic!"

"Yes, Supreme Gang Leader, sir!"

.-.-.-.-.

Outside the perimeter of Aidou's shrilly screams and the brightness of Ruka's now platinum blonde hair, Shiki yawned.

There was news spreading around the campus that Mary Sues were in the process of clogging the Academy population and terrorizing the Night Class. At the moment, Shiki didn't really care. And if Shiki didn't find it interesting, then Rima didn't.

At the moment, they were taking a stroll down the asphalt of the Moon Dormitory, because the normally large size of the Night Class' building was getting rather cramped what with all the plot holes forming around it.

Suddenly, a girl walked up from beside a tree, emerging from the darkness.

A Mary Sue, Shiki instantly concluded, what with the way her hair billowed around her head like a possessed spirit, he was surprised it didn't strangle her face by now.

But nevertheless, that was forgiven because she was so goddamned beautiful. She had gorgeous pale blue hair that shone under the moonlit grove, short with long bangs, the flocks of stray hair shaping her round face perfectly. Two bright cat eyes, one the color of emeralds and one the color of jade, stared back at them, and her porcelain skin glowed stupendously in sync with her blue hair. In her right hand she carried her suitcase, and in her left hand she carried nothing.

"Attractive?" Rima pointed to the girl

"Moronic." Shiki corrected.

"I know you better than that," she accused, which made him take another look at her.

"My name is Ginervia Bullo-Fattan Tatsuki Genesis," the blue-haired chick said the second Shiki's head turned. The girl spoke softly, but see, it was a paradox. Even if it _was_ supposed to be soft, it was also loud, because how the hell would they hear her from all the way to the tree? "But you can call me Gigi. I want to go to Germany, but I was raised by my grandparents here in Japan."

"What's the point of saying you want to go to Germany?" Rima was about to say, when she was cut off.

"—I am half witch and half pureblood, but you don't know about that because we had to keep it secret. I can PWN your dad anytime I wanted to, Shiki-kun, so I'm good for your well-being—"

"How did you know my name?"

"I stalk you. Regularly."

Shiki stared at her, almost aghast.

"But anyways, the Council is chasing me because I have chemicals in my body that can make you transform like Barbie on steroids. It's a pain to carry the secrets on how to be gorgeous and powerful. I had a terrible past, so that is why I must angst and be depressed like you guys. Oh, and I can levitate."

"I'm not angsty." Shiki countered weakly, but that was on purpose.

"I can ease your pain, Shiki." Gigi supplied quietly. "I read your mind."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did, because we are connected—"

"Let's ditch her, Shiki."

"Okay."

"I'm transferring here to Cross Academy. I got a scholarship," Gigi added immediately before the two could walk away.

"Oh."

"Shit."

"She's levitating, Shiki!"

"Run fast, Rima!"

.-.-.-.-.

At the same time in the Sun Dorms, Zero's head turned towards a window as screams infiltrated the outside and inside of the school. He tried going to class, but something weird had happened. There were like, little ripples in reality just hanging out with their vortex-voidish friends. And was it just him, or was there… somebody calling out from those? Seriously, there was a girly voice that kept on chanting "Iiiiichiiii-kun… Iiiiiichiii-kun…" like a damned mantra, and there was this second voice too, that kept on cackling, "SHE'S THE NOBODY! SHE'S THE NOBODY!"

For a while, he was freaked out. He didn't know whether the little ripples of reality were just talking to each other, or beckoning some kind of message to him…that Takuma Ichijou was really a girl… and that he was unpopular? What?

But then Zero found out that he didn't really care, because he's Zero and he hates all those silly vampires anyways.

"Zero!"

Said silver-haired vampire hunk turned and stared at the black-haired pureblood bursting out of the Chairman's office. She plummeted head first into her fellow Prefect, before regaining her balance.

Zero stared, completely unaffected by the unsuspecting arrival since it would've happened in the story sooner or later. But he was curious, because she did not burst through the doors, she burst through the _wall_.

"How the hell did you do that?"

Yuuki ignored his thirst for knowledge.

"Zero, we've got to get out of here!"

"Why do you have long hair, Yuuki?" Zero trailed off, staring at her waist-length locks that grew impossibly fast---about four feet in three days. "And where the hell have you been?"

Yuuki blinked at him. "Oh, didn't I tell you already? I'm a pureblood now."

"No, actually. You forgot to mention that."

"Shush, Zero!" The pureblood girl instantly hushed him, slapping his arm but because she was a pureblood with crazy strength, it hurt like HELL. She scanned the room, making sure that the evil little floating ripples didn't hear him. Her eyes returned back to the silver-haired boy, giving him a panicky look. "Don't speak of confusing canon…the plot holes are listening."

"The what?"

"No, you need to stop asking questions!" Yuuki pleaded, slapping his arm once again. Zero grunted at the awesome powers of the female pureblood. "It's too complicated right now!"

"Hold on a second," Zero held up his hands. "If you're a pureblood, then that means Rido has already wrecked havoc here, which means half the Academy should be destroyed, which means we're not speaking, because if we were I'd be killing you."

"Because of the increase in the number of plot holes and rips in reality floating around the school, time is skewed," Yuuki explained rapidly, "So I'm a pureblood but Rido's still dead and you're not going to kill me."

"That makes sense. What were you going to say?"

"Oh! Right! We got to run, Zero!" Yuuki motioned for him quickly. "There's another set of Sues in the grounds and a few of them have already gotten to nii-sama and the others."

"Good." Zero huffed.

"But Zero! I'm destined to be with Kaname-sama, who's also my brother---"

"I'm sorry, _what_? Why?!"

"Because the manga says so and because we're both purebloods! Think about it---you might end up being all alone! The Mary Sues love that."

"…"

"You'll die," she added omoniously.

"That makes no sense."

"Because of the plot holes!" Yuuki explained, flailing her arms above her head for extra effect. Her eyes widened suddenly. "Oh no, we've pointed out the obvious too many times now!"

"…"

"They're coming for you, Zero!" she yelled.

"Yuuki, what the hell---"

"_Mary_ _Sues_ and _canon rapists_, Zero!! And God forbid the slash worshippers are sent by the Yaoi/Yuri Gods before we get rid of the first two!!"

"What?" it clicked. "Oh, shit! Where do we----?"

Zero was cut off as a girl neither had ever seen before this point wandered into the hall that Yuuki and Zero were currently formulating an escape plan in, looking a little lost. However, the second she saw Zero, her massive violet eyes widened.

"Ze-Zero-sempai? I can't…I can't find my room…ne, can you help me, onegai?"

"She found us!" Yuuki shrieked in horror.

The girl smiled sweetly. She had massive pink pincurls as an excuse for hair, tied up in two white frilly bows, the curls cascading to bounce cheerfully around her shoulders. She wore nothing that looked even remotely like the uniform, instead, a semi-Victorian white lace Lolita gown, complete with little pink parasol and a fake stuffed dog. At least, Zero hoped it was fake.

The thing barked at him suddenly.

"The _hell_ is that?!"

"Ne, ne, it smells fear in you." The loli-sue accused innocently, with her massive violet eyes reflecting the fiery rays of the sun which made no sense at all because her eyes were purple.

"Fear has no scent," Zero pointed out. The thing's behind caught on fire.

"Nani, Zero-kun? Are you scared of me?"

"Actually, I kind of am," he admitted edgily.

"It's electrical!" Yuuki gasped all of a sudden, pointing at the thing after the bottom of its ass had started smoking.

"You mean mechanical."

A horrible sound that can only be made by a plot hole or Kaname shrieking girlishly burst into their ears as the thing started self-combusting. The pink-haired girl screamed.

"TOTO!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I mean---um---NEEEEEEEE! Or something along those lines!"

Yuuki's eyes darted frantically between Zero muttering about crossed circuits and the smoking 'Toto'.

"Zero! You're making it worse!"

"I think I'm _fixing _it!"

"Then why is it making that noise?!"

"You'd make that noise too if you were shrinking into oblivion!"

Yuuki glared at him. "Don't you _ever_ accuse me of being able to sound like that ever again."

"Sorry," Zero muttered as the pink-haired girl saved her thing by throwing it into the nearest plot hole to recover from its near-fatal reality check.

"Don't you remember me, Zero-kun?" The Mary Sue titled her head, changing the subject completely. "It's me, Mikako Goldheart! We trained under Yagari-sensei together, remember?"

"No," Zero replied bluntly.

"Of course you wouldn't," big fat tears started pooling in the loli-Sue's eyes. "There was a horrible accident in our youth that traumatized you---"

"Yeah, it was Shizuka slaughtering my family, I remember that perfectly---"

"---and both you and Yagari-sensei were scarred beyond imagination, and I had to erase your memories! Gomenaisai!! I can do that, by the way."

"I remember no such thing―"

"Because I erased your memories, remember?"

"No."

"Aha! It's working!" the Mary Sue insisted brightly.

"You're an idiot―"

"Zero!" Yuuki called in an alarmed tone.

The silver-haired vamp's attention snapped back to the present, and suddenly, he had an idea.

"Yuuki, when I count to three, run."

"Zero-kun, we're going to be _koibito_! I'll restore your memories and your love for me! I swear on my dead orphaned step-brother's cremated ashes!"

"One."

"We'll live in a cute little chisana with a red roof and a garden full of flowers…and I will take all your pain away…we'll be in love forever and ever, and have seven children and name them after the von Trapps in that one movie!"

"Her random over-usage of the Japanese language is corroding my brain!" Yuuki moaned, clutching her head.

"Two!"

"Come to me, anata! Together we will save the world from darkness!"

Zero screamed "THREE!" just as Mikako threw open her thin little arms and darted forward. Yuuki wasted no time in wrapping her arm around her friend's and making a rapid pureblood beeline for the nearest exit, which happened to be through a wall.

"Oh shit!" Zero closed his eyes to try and block out the incoming pain of being slammed face-first into the wall, but the supposed impact was gone, and they were effing dissolving next.

"Yuuki! You do not do that to people who could be clinically depressed! Where are we going?!" Zero shouted as he was dragged at maximum speed through the air.

"To nii-sama's suite! It's the only safe place!!"

"WHAT?! Let go of me, I'm NOT going there!!"

"Would you rather be left with _her_?!"

"Good point," Zero muttered, turning. "Shit! She's gaining on us!"

"SORA!! ARIGATO!! ANO!! SAKURA!! KAWAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!" the pink-haired girl spewed, suddenly growing a pair of wings and darting behind them.

"Oh no, Zero! Mary-Sue barricade!"

Zero's head wrenched back forward to where Yuuki pointed: to a blonde, a redhead and a black-haired girl, visible through the window of the second floor of the Moon Dorms.

"Yuuki! Kiryuu!"

Both heads snapped to the left to see Shiki and Rima running towards them, a blue-haired levitating dot not far behind.

"Shiki! Rima!"

"You're being pursued, too?" Rima asked as they neared.

"Zero is," Yuuki replied.

"We can't get in, there's a line of Sues near the door!" Zero shouted over the wind, completely forgetting his companions were vampires.

A light bulb appeared over Yuuki's head.

"I have an idea! They can travel through plot holes! Why can't we?"

Rima nodded.

"Shiki! Quick!"

"Uh…" the black-haired boy blinked. "Rima! You're actually my long lost twin sister! Let's commit incestuous adultery!"

A swirly spot appeared on the nearest wall (which happened to be one of Kaname's), but it closed up before the destination could even become clear enough to discern.

"What happened?" Rima demanded.

"He must have plot hole-proofed the walls with canon!"

"We'll have to go through a window," Zero decided. There was no time for another alternative to be thunked up.

(At this point, the Microsoft Word Paperclip appeared by the little red squiggly line under the word 'thunked'. "Hello," said the Paperclip, "May I now proceed to annoy the fucking hell out of you?"

"Crap!" shouted Yuuki, "I think it's on their side!"

Shiki pointed to its massive googly eyes. "Those would be big on a _cow_," he said.

"Don't worry, I got this," Zero replied, promptly shooting massive vines towards the thing.)

With a yell, Shiki broke one of the bay windows on the second floor and the quartet tumbled through, knocking over furniture like bowling pins. With slight groans of pain, the four straightened and sat up, wondering who the hell placed furniture in the middle of the hallway, in such a position that if anyone were to enter through the window at the angle they had entered it from, they would definitely crash into the ensemble of splinters and pointy edges.

"What was that?" came a high voice from down the hall. The four stared at each other.

"Shit," said Shiki.

"Maybe they've come out. Let's check it out, girls."

Shadows began turning the corning. The four vampires shot each other frantic looks.

"Get up. Run! Now!"

"What do we do? Where do we go?"

"There!" Zero pointed. "Stairs! Go!"

_Oh Johnny! Oh Johnny!_

_How you can love_

_Oh Johnny! Oh Johnny!_

_Heavens above_

Old retro music started playing as they ascended the flight, their surroundings suddenly taking on the appearance of an old mansion that held many old artifacts. The railings turned from glossy wood to dark oak, and a red carpet appeared. There was a split in the stair in the form of a wall; the four unanimously but silently all took the right staircase.

_You make my sad heart jump with joy_

_And when you're near I can't sit still for a minute!_

"What the _hell_ is that?!" Zero demanded of the music as they leapt up stairs. His companions shrugged and kept running.

_Please tell me dear  
What makes me love you so?  
You're not handsome, it's true  
But when I look at you  
I just, Oh, Johnny!  
Oh, Johnny! Oh!  
da-da-da_

Footsteps echoed behind them as they reached another corridor, lined with doors. The first two were locked, but when Yuuki tried the last one, it opened. The music suddenly faded off in an echo as the four faced a large wardrobe, a big white sheet lying by it. Zero pushed past, gesticulating at the door.

"Well?" he demanded, climbing in. "Come on!"

The other three stared at him blankly for three seconds before turning and scattering as Zero plowed through a wardrobe of fur coats and landed in---

What did he land in? Well, you'll find out later.

Unfortunately, the second part of the escape plan was even less cohesive than the first, and though the four had sped up a staircase around the corner together, they suddenly found themselves each alone, having unintentionally split ways at the Spare Room.

Yuuki frowned. She was a pureblood, so she wasn't very worried, but nevertheless, she opened a door and ducked into the room said door led to. More doors lined those walls, Yuuki anticipated this; she would use those doors to run through adjoining rooms and back to where she could search for her companions and pull Zero out of the wardrobe. She just didn't want to be making her U-turn in the hallway---too dangerous.

Zero had somehow ended up in an attic. It wasn't originally an attic, more of a vast expanse of woods laden with snow, but after meeting some weird half-man half-deer entity who introduced himself as "Mr. Tumnus" and stuffing him into a chest after said furball tried to drug him with dancing fire and sissy tea, Zero discovered through observations and logical reasoning we will not go into here that Mr. Tumnus's house was actually an attic and was groping around the floor for an exit of some sort, because we all know the doors to attics are _always_ on the floor.

The rat paused from his cheese-hunting and stared at Zero weirdly.

"The hell are you looking at?" The silver-haired hunk snapped. The rat rolled his eyes and went to nibble on Mr. Tumnus's tail as Zero turned back to his hunt.

The first (and only) trapdoor he found led to a weird dirt hole, into which an anthropomorphic rabbit wearing coattails and a pocket watch who appeared out of nowhere jumped, muttering crap about being late. He slammed the trapdoor shut, reopened it, and found himself now staring into some sort of stone maze with massive stone faces carved into the wall. The third time it opened to a mirror attic where a freak version of Yagari with buttons for eyes claimed to be his sensei. One final attempt allowed him into the ventilation system of the Moon Dorms, into which he crawled, cursing and scowling.

Rima had been running for at least three minutes now, passing the same doors and paintings. With a frustrated sigh and a wary glance at the advancing shadow behind her, she ducked into a room and ran into Yuuki. The two girls would have embraced in the joy of their reunion if they were anyone but Yuuki and Rima, Yuuki being too awkward with her fellow vampires still, Rima being Rima. So the girls just kept running through doors, footsteps echoing everywhere in the halls and shadows appearing and disappearing under the cracks of doors.

Shiki, unfortunately, was the _un_lucky one. Having run an opposite direction from Rima, he was immediately faced with the end of the hallway, and turned it rapidly---and came face-to-face with Akura Neos and Princess Mizuki.

"Crud," said Shiki.

"Hi, Shiki-kun," the blonde one said sweetly, "Could you possible tell us where Ichi-kun and Kain-kun are?"

"Who are you?" Shiki asked, edging away.

"I'm Princess Mizuki Tsunami Sarah Elizabeth Taylor-Hanaki," the girl began, "And this is Akura Neos. We're from a distant land, but through fire and water and lots of other dangerous things like swamps and Mordor and the intestines of poisonous frogs, we've finally come here to celebrate each of our holy unions with our true loves---"

Shiki's head began to spin. As Princess Mizuki started the recitation of a four-part epic detailing the Sues' adventures travelling from Sueland to the sane world, the black-haired boy began seeing double, lava-lamp, Technicolor and That 70s Show entr'actes. Before he could develop more symptoms of being on shrooms---or in this case, listening to whatever crap Princess Mizuki was spewing---a hand smashed through the wall and snatched Shiki through a camoflauged trick door. Princess Mizuki paused between the words "Candy" and "Mountain" and pointed at the open door, Akura Neos (being smarter) already speeding past darting in.

"I FOUND THEM!!"

"Shiki!" Rima shouted over her and Yuuki's airspeed, "Are you okay?"

"I see a little silhouette-o of a man," Shiki said in a loopy voice, still seeing neon, "Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Will you do the fandango?"

"What did he say?" Yuuki shouted.

"Thunderbolts of lightning!" Shiki shouted, "VERY VERY FRIGHTNING MEEP! Galileo! Galileo! Galileo! Galileo! Galileo Figaro! MAGNIFICO-O-O-O-O-O!!"

"I don't know!" said Rima. "I can't hear him---"

"I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me," the black-haired boy mourned.

"I love you, Shiki," Rima assured him. His head bounced a little, eyes swirlies, but he made no indication of having heard her, instead replying: "BISMILLAH! NO, WE WILL NOT LET HIM GO!"

"Is he alri---_gah!_"

Zero had fallen from an air vent onto Yuuki.

"Get off her, you're slowing us down," Rima told him as Shiki screamed, "I GET KNOCKED DOWN!"

"What's wrong with _him_?!" Zero asked as he picked himself up and the quartet turned another corner.

"I have no idea," the blonde replied.

"We're almost there," Yuuki threw over her shoulder, skidding to a stop in the middle of the Moon Dorm third floor ballroom, running towards the exit and throwing the double doors open, dashing down the hall. Zero, in a moment of insanity helping Rima carry Shiki, pursued as Yuuki began banging on the door at the end of the hallway.

"Nii-sama! Nii-sama, it's me, Yuuki! Let me in!"

"How do we know you're Yuuki-sama?"

Pause.

"Nii-sama, don't make me tell them about the mole on your a---"

The door was wrenched open just as Rima and Zero collided with Yuuki. Shiki's body flew from their grasp, did a few flips and a nifty bit of tap dancing, before promptly cushioning the fall of a midget, a model and a heavily muscular ex-vampire hunter.

"What…?" Kain couldn't form any more words after the four practically crashed and rolled into the middle of the room.

"Nothing, nothing." Yuuki, the first one to instantly recover from the dangerous stunt, sweat dropped clumsily, already up on her feet and dusting the stray burnt-carpet particles off of her clothes.

Rima grunted a second later, pushing off Zero's back. "Shiki, come on—" she hissed, only to back away very slowly when the boy recoiled back to life, shouting:

"LOVE LIFTS US UP WHERE WE BELONG!"

"What the hell happened?" Kain was finally able to construct his sentences correctly.

"…what's wrong with Shiki!?"

The boy had started to shout random things when Takuma caught a hold of him and dragged him away from the crash-landing.

"Love... is like oxygen… Rima… sister… twin…"

"Yes, yes, Shiki."

"I think they got to him," Yuuki said mournfully to Rima. "He's spewing his plot hole from fifteen minutes ago."

"Rima…no sister…no twin… No. BAD," said Takuma, trying to talk in the black-haired boy's language, wagging a finger. Shiki blinked at him, bit said finger, wrenched his arms free, and was about to tackle Rima when the vampires knocked him down to the ground.

"What the HELL is going on!?" Aidou now screamed, hyperventilating.

"I believe a Sue to explain her background," Kaname said sadly, shaking his head. "It's causing Shiki to OOC."

"That can't be possible…!"

"Were you all separated?"

"Well, yeah, when we had an emergency crash landing through a window to the second floor," Zero bit angrily, his knee placed firmly in Shiki's back. Rima, straddling his waist, leaned down to stare into Shiki's eyes, the irises of which had turned from swirlies into and #. Shiki grinned up at her with a loopy smile, leaned forward and promptly planted one right on her smacker---Rima's eyes widened and she darted back, staring at her friend with a mixture of weirded-out-ness and apprehension on her face. Shiki, however, turned to Takuma.

"I kissed a girl and I LIKED IT!!!"

Finding this transgression not worth taking, Takuma promptly reached forward and gave Shiki a good conk on the back of his head. He assured his companions he would wake in a few minutes perfectly fine, not remembering any of his nonsense. The others stayed silent, staring at Rima apologetically. The blonde girl merely rolled her eyes. However, this silence was interrupted when a strangled scream from Aidou brought their gazes from the unconscious, shell-shocked Shiki to the door.

The second the four had crossed the threshold, the Sues rounded the door of the ballroom about a hundred and fifty feet from the gaping wide door, Princess Mizuki at their lead, each crowing lovingly the names of their desired men as they dashed forward at high speeds. Having enough of this foolishness, Ruka stepped up to the door as the Sues grabbed onto the frame and promptly backhanded Princess Mizuki so hard she flew backwards and into the others with a weird whinnying sound. Takuma slammed the door shut as Kain restrained Ruka from throwing something heavy onto the abomination that had turned her hair such a sickeningly bright color.

"Did she just...whinny?" Zero questioned, brushing off his shirt.

"Part unicorn," Takuma replied ruefully. "But none of that weirdness right now. Hey, guys!"

"Quick, Aidou-sempai!" Yuki pointed to the door. "Freeze the door!"

Aidou looked up. Immediately, the door and all its cracks and edges were solidly saturated with about three feet of ice. Kaname opened his secret stash of manga and tossed Vampire Knight Volumes 2, 3, 4 and 7 to Takuma, who immediately began ripping out pages and papier-mâché-ing them onto the ice. Voices came through the well-barricaded door.

"Kain-kun! Don't listen to anything that Nobody says! She lies! SHE LIES!!"

"Ichi-kun, what happened? What are you doing in there with _that woman_?!"

"Shiki! Shiki, open up the door! Let me shore up the hole in your heart!"

"Zero-chan! Don't you miss me, Zero-chan?"

"HANABUSA AIDOU! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!!"

"Who're the new ones?" Aidou asked as Shiki bolted upright, rubbing the back of his head.

"The pink-haired one's Mikako Goldheart. She can erase memories," Yuuki offered. Zero had suddenly re-identified his company and was now bristling and hissing like a cat against the wall.

"Uh…the one with the blue hair's…what's her name?" Shiki turned to Rima, who shrugged, guarding her wary gaze. "Well, I forgot. But she's German, and she has a mysterious past and is being hunted or something…"

"No, Shiki, she wants to _go_ to Germany. But maybe she IS German."

"Mysterious and hunted? Sounds like Princess Mizuki," Takuma said all too brightly.

"Who?"

"Oh, uh…never mind."

"So, what do we do?" Ruka asked, perched on the foot of Kaname's bed.

"We wait it out and keep the walls canon-insulated," Kain replied. "Then we go to class in the evening and hope they're too tired to attack."

"You know, I thought we came here to get an education, not hide from rampaging Mary Sues," Takuma mused.

"Well, we can't all stay in Kaname-sama's room," Aidou frowned.

Kaname seemed to agree as he began handing out two more stacks of manga.

"I unfortunately no longer have enough copies to shield every room," he said, "But you can't all stay here. It would be uncomfortable, as well as vulnerable; we would be too concentrated…so some of you are going to have to stay together for the night."

Shiki and Rima looked at each other. Takuma ran over and slung his shoulders over both. "We'll take my room, it's second biggest," he offered happily. Shiki and Rima shrugged, having absolutely no problem with that arrangement. Ruka relented to rooming with Kain and Aidou as their room was also very large, but drew the line at sharing a bed, irritating both cousins for very different reasons. Their safe departure was aided by Kaname temporarily ripping pages off of the bathroom wall so that Shiki and Ruka could create plot holes through which to travel. They moved fast and closed the holes before the Sues could sense them and catch on. When the six had left, the three remaining looked at each other.

"Hell no," Zero said immediately as Yuuki went to stand by her brother.

"It can't be helped, Zero…you can even go sleep in nii-sama's study, in a separate room, if you want."

"It's us," Kaname said with a twist of the lip, "or _them._"

Zero turned and looked at the door, then growled.

"Dammit."

* * *

A/N: _Woohoo! This took AGES!_

_This is an EPISODIC work. What does that mean? That means unlike in One Week and Cheese With That Whine, we will gladly and happily take your requests or prompts on what you want to see happen in White Out! Yay! However, this is not a board. We will not take any extra Sues in the form of you, but we will take OCs in the form of Day Class Students. Maybe. Depends._

_ShyLikeThat would like to add: NO MORE MARY SUES. We have seen TOO MUCH CRAP. Maybe next year, ok? That means 2010. Seriously._

_Review please!_

_Love---_

_butterflybones // ShyLikeThat._


	2. Day One

_DISCLAIMER_: I don't own Vampire Knight, Matsuri Hino does, and what that means is I do not have the right to slaughter the characters, plot, and the story in general in order to input myself into the place of a preexisting character so I can be a beautiful mysterious pureblood that entices one of the _2D vampires_ _who don't actually exist_ who I fantasize about into loving me and in extension killing a bit of the soul of whoever is reading my pointless 100-word ramble.

…

**EPISODE TWO**

_Day One._

…

It all happened so fast.

Well, not really. But that line sounds cool, so even though this didn't really all happen that fast, it DID get faster once we got past the first five hours of the Aidou/Ruka/Kain housing phenomenon, so we'll just _say_ it ALL happened fast.

When they entered the room, all was well. That lasted for about ten seconds. Ruka, being Ruka, somehow magically beat Aidou to the bathroom, slamming the door in the blond's face, to the amusement of his cousin. Aidou banged at the door and hissed at Ruka for a good half hour while Kain proceeded to wallpaper the perimeters of their suite with pages of the most recent chapters of _Vampire Knight_. Aidou finally gave up just as Kain seared the last page into the woodwork, when he finally realized that through the gushing water and the scented smoke seeping through the door, Ruka _obviously_ couldn't hear him and probably didn't bother to try.

Much to Aidou's annoyance, his childhood friend took even longer in the bathroom than _he _did, and that was saying something, because by the time Aidou was done perfecting his appearance in the evenings Kain almost always fell asleep again. During Ruka's soak, Kain had stripped down to a pair of black boxers and was watching Anderson Cooper with a bored expression, and Aidou had sprawled on a settee and bemoaned Ruka's narcissism, which Kain ignored, because like HANABUSA of all people can LECTURE on NARCISSISM. Aidou had perked up three hours later, when the sound of water stopped. Apparently, that was just a false alarm, because though Ruka had ceased her bathing, that was no indication of any sort of finishing line to her nightly routine. Giving up thoroughly on life, Aidou went to sleep.

And that lasted about fifteen minutes, until the steam cleared, and from the bathroom sounded a scream an octave higher than Ruka's normal, sane voice, the shrill cry waking her catnapping roommates.

Aidou was the first to rouse awake at the scream, his blue eyes haphazardly staring at all four corners of the room. Scrambling up, he darted for the bathroom, kicking the door open and being blasted with a faceful of scented steam. Blinking and waving his arms around, he finally found Ruka crouched in the corner of the vast marble bathroom, wrapped in a white towel, hiding her face in her hands, her platinum hair covering most of her upper body. The blonde only winced at the sheer brightness of her platinum blonde hair. He wasn't used to her hair glowing like that, as brilliantly and smoothly as a dolphin's ass. If fish mammals had asses, anyway, he was sure.

Aidou shot preliminary glances around the bathroom as Kain neared. Empty bottles. Okay. Clock ripped off wall. Okay. Cracked marble. Okay. Broken mirror. Okay.

"Ruka," Kain's voice floated from behind him, "What's wrong?"

"Go away," she sobbed from her steamy corner, "Don't look at me."

"You heard the lady," Aidou said loudly, shoving Kain out the door and sneaking towards the blonde girl. "I think we should get out of the bathroom and leave her alone, huh?" He waved madly, and, rolling his eyes, Kain banged a draw shut near the bathroom door to imitate a door-slamming sound.

Ruka looked up. Aidou's eyes widened and air all but ran a 200-meter out of his lungs.

There was a moment of silence when their eyes met, before Ruka choked at the traumatized expression tore at Aido's face.

And then Ruka turned, screaming profanities incoherently and crying, and Aido immediately joined her as he broke down and saw the invampire pimple on her face singing in Diana Ross's voice, "I'M COMING OUT! I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW! GOT TO LET IT SHOW!"

"What the hell is that!? Make it stop, make it stop!" Aido was practically bawling now. Ruka was sure that she would've smacked him across the face had she not been shrieking this whole time and attempting to hide.

Kain, unable to handle all of their motherfucking, bickering, whathaveyou, finally snapped. He charged into the steam, only stopping when he saw the look on Ruka's face. Or rather, the Event on Ruka's face. The redhead cringed a little, his right eye twitching. He took another look, shuddered, and tried to muster a blank façade.

"Ruka, really, it's not that bad…" he deadpanned calmly.

Aido threw him a surreal look.

"Have you _looked _at it!?"

"Hanabusa, shut up."

"It's SINGING, for Pete's sake!" Aido screeched, his arms exploding at his sides.

Kain gave his cousin a warning glance, not before looking at Ruka and making sure that the girl didn't burst out crying or started to come at Aido with a deranged twist in her eyes.

"Hanabusa, I swear to _God _if you don't close your mouth—"

"I'M COMING OUT! I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW! GOT TO—"

"---let it show! There's a new me coming out! And I just had to live! And I wanna give! I'm completely positive—"

"_Hanabusa_." The redhead hissed through clenched teeth, flinging his cousin an evil look when the latter had started to sing along with Ruka's pimple, and worst of all, knew lyrics that even the bloody zit didn't know.

"What?" Aido whined, giving the redhead the same childish look he gave to his mother when he was five, before he started to ramble. "I mean, it's not like it's _my_ fault. The freaking zit just popped into her face by itself. This is probably for all the _bad stuff_ she did before, you know, God's way of saying not to be a bitch—and whoa, look at that thing, it's like _moving _at her nose, right there in the smack-fucking-dab center. I never met a vampire who had a zit before. Can vampires even get zits? Wow Ruka, you're really special, arentcha—OHMAIGOD. That hurt! OWWW."

Kain had reached over and slapped his cousin upside the head, growling. He turned to Ruka, finally ignoring the blonde's incessant whining.

"You know he's just kidding, right?" Kain once again began hesitantly, trying not to stare at her face. When that obviously didn't console her, as she shot him a glare of deepest loathing, Kain started again. "Ruka, really. It's all right. It's not that big of a deal."

"Not a big deal? NOT A BIG DEAL!?" The girl screeched, finally being able to snap out of her stupor. Her face was a dangerous, maddened color. Crimson fury. Like it'd suck you in if the pimple didn't do it first. Ruka wheeled around, staring Kain right in the eye.

"Do you know what my Grandmother would say if she saw this_—this BLASPHEMY_ on my face, AKATSUKI!?"

He paused. "Uh…" Ruka's grandmother was a frightening woman.

"And it doesn't help what with your cousin's retarded little remarks! LET ME AT HIM NOW. I will tear his little blonde ass and—"

"Ruka."

"—and, and feed it to the Mary-Sues, may he rot in—"

"RUKA!"

"—hell!! WHAT!?"

"Calm down."

"Calm down!? CALM DOWN!? Have you not seen…!" Her words suddenly died at her tongue, as if she was too angry to even express the emotion. Her face flushed hotly and her perfectly manicured finger pointed to the door, demanding for them to get out.

"But this is_ our bathrom_, and _our room_!" Hanabusa whined once more, fret evident in his eyes as he backed up. "And the Mary-Sues--!"

Ruka's eyes widened for a second, before face contorted with anger. "Hanabusa! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE---_UUGH!_"

There was a loud tearing sound as Hanabusa yelped, and fell on his ass. Kain's eyes widened, and he gulped.

Ruka darted for the blond. Kain barely caught her around the waist, trying to restrain the girl and make sure her towel was still in place at the same time. Aidou looked confused, before his gaze was directed downwards and he screamed like a little girl, scrambling furiously and jumping off of the silk he had stepped on.

"OH MY GOD, RUKA!! I SWEAR I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I SWEAR! PLEASE! PLEASE! BE MERCIFUL! AKATSUKI, SAVE MEEEEEE!!"

"I'm TRYING, you idiot!" Kain snapped. "Ruka! Calm down, I'll buy you another one! And I'll buy you Prada, and Gucci, and Burberry! Ten of each! I promise, okay? We'll go into town on Sunday and you can have my credit card!---Hanabusa's, too---!---Ruka---!"

The (recent) blonde, hearing this, finally calmed down, seething at the (other) blond. Aidou's foot had recently been perched on her uniform skirt, which had been tailored by Givenchy and therefore lined with their signature silk lace. In her attempt to cleanse it of Akura Neos's stupidity while lacking a dry cleaner, she had carefully sponge-pressed it and laid it on the marble to smooth---and Aidou had just ripped it in two.

"This is awful," Ruka sobbed, flinging her arms around Kain's neck. "I hate you. I hate you both!"

Kain's gaze flashed at Aidou, who gulped at the How-Dare-You-Make-Her-Hate-Me expression on his cousin's face. What the heck? She was _hugging_ him at telling him she hated him, what the heck was he mad about? She probably didn't even MEAN IT. Aidou pouted as Kain's glare was diverted to a soft glance at Ruka. Life was so unfair.

"Run, Hanabusa," Kain said calmly as Ruka collapsed into a small heap in his arms. Aidou didn't even hesitate before darting out and hiding under his bed.

"Akatsuki," Ruka sniffed, "I have _acne_. I've never had acne! My skin has never seen blemish or spot! What would Grandmother say?! And nii-sama, and nii-san, and nii-chan, and nii-kun, and…this is _awful_! What could have _possibly_ caused this atrocity?!"

Kain was content to simply allow Ruka to keep sobbing half naked into his chest until a light bulb appeared over his head. He attempted to kill it several times, only to have it continue to reincarnate itself. Kain sighed.

"Hey, Ruka. Maybe you're allergic to Akura Neos, or something."

The girl paused, and straightened, staring at Kain, who was trying _not_ to stare at the flesh suddenly exposed by a slipping towel.

"Oh my God! Akatsuki, you're a genius!"

"…yeah."

"What---what can we do about it? Do we have some sort of anti-Sue allergen?"

"Canon," came Aidou's muffled voice through the door. He was missing out on bath time, but he'll be damned if he'll come out from under his lovely lavender-scented bed before Ruka had calmed down and Kain was no longer out for his blood.

Deciding he'd had enough drama for the night and was tired dammit, Kain leaned over and promptly kissed Ruka on the cheek. A sudden spray of sparkles, glitter and fluorescent light appeared around the girl, and when it cleared, it revealed Ruka with perfect, gorgeous skin, even as the ghost of the Diana Ross Pimple of Ultimate Death howled in pain at its demise. Ruka beamed. The world was good again.

Well, sort of. She was still blonde, but no amount of smooching from Kain would solve that. That doesn't mean he wouldn't try, but the redhead was exhausted. He picked the girl up, walked towards the bathroom door and kicked his cousin over the head as he passed.

"Bathroom's free," he deadpanned. Aidou gave a whoop and ran into the room, clutching his head and locking the door. Kain cleared his throat, setting Ruka gently down on Aidou's bed. It was at this moment of glowingly perfect skin that Ruka realized she was wearing a towel and Kain was wearing boxers and he was crouched over her, and if anybody walked in at that precise moment she was going to be in some serious trouble with her parents and he was going to get his ass whooped seven times over by her overprotective brothers.

"My---um, my nightgown is in my room," she squeaked, and berated herself for making such an undignified noise. Kain nodded silently, went into his walk-in closet, and pulled out a white silk t-shirt. Ruka smiled gratefully as Kain turned away, and slipped into the shirt. It smelled like Kain.

"…sorry for making a fuss," Ruka sighed, running a hand through her curly, still damp blonde hair with a hint of distaste. Kain sat down on his own bed across from hers and shrugged as she hunted for hair-dye damage.

"Appearances are very important for girls your age," he said slowly. "Go to sleep. Hanabusa can share with me or he can deal with the floor."

Ruka pulled up the lavender-scented covers and plumped the lavender-scented pillow, and shot Kain a sweet smile.

"Thank you, Akatsuki."

She turned away, and for that he was grateful, because now at least until his stupid cousin got out of the stupid bathroom, he could watch her sleep in peace without seeming creepy.

"AKATSUKI! OH MY _GOD_! EWWWW! THE TOWELS SMELL LIKE _GIRLLLLLLLLL, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?!"_

Kain sighed, a vein throbbing in his temple.

He was going to fucking kill something.

.-.-.-.-.

"God, how did Stacie get so popular anyways? We used to be best friends."

Takuma gave the brunet boy beside him a scandalized look. "Are you okay, Shiki? You don't…you don't still have OOC, right? Cause we have no antibacs." Shiki turned, staring at him indifferently through half-open eyes, yawning. "It's from the movie. The next line, I mean."

The blond turned, and sure enough, there it was.

"_Jules, I can't make your over-nighter. I'm doing the dance."_

"…_the dance?"_

"_The high school dance." _And Sarah Paxton turned around to glance at her supposed high school boyfriend, snickering.

"You know that's not _really_ Sarah Paxton?" Rima suddenly popped out of nowhere because she was just a tiny little thing, and propped up her elbows at the head of the couch, staring down at him. "She's just in character."

"Like I care." Shiki snorted. "She looks like Reese Witherspoon."

"No. Sarah Paxton has that cleft chin."

"Right." The brunet shrugged, directing his attention at the movie now. There was a moment of silence before Rima piped up once again, seemingly irritated.

"Not all blondes are bimbos, Shiki," she frowned, narrowing her eyes at his closed-mindedness.

Takuma gasped. "Senri, I never knew you felt that way. I'm hurt."

Shiki blinked at the older vampire. "Ichijou, you're not even a girl."

"Oh, so you're being sexist now, are you?"

"I didn't even say anything," he defended mildly, staring at his 'lover', or 'mate, or whichever was the proper word, with truthful patented Rido (aka 'daddy')-melting puppy-dog eyes. How do you think Shiki managed to convince his megalomaniacal dad to let buy him all them ponies?

"Damn, Rima," Takuma snorted as Rima rolled her eyes and her body, "Why're you bullying your man? I mean, he's already whipped. What more do you want?"

Shiki was, like, seriously whipped, even though you usually can't tell because Rima is kind enough to let him pretend he can function independently of her in public. He's been massively whipped since he _met_ Rima, probably because he was so damn lazy and his mom was crazy so Rima was the only one that got him to do stuff, like eat and bathe and breathe. So yes, he was whipped. Like cream. Like he didn't have any motivation in life except Rima and food. And sleep. But is sleep really motivation? Hmmm…

"I am not whipped," Shiki responded lamely as Rima came crashing at his side. She nudged his stomach with an elbow lightly, and he moved a couple of inches to give her space.

Takuma smiled at his gesture, giving him a pitiful look. "It's alright, Shiki. Some things cannot be helped," the blonde commented in understanding, patting his shoulder.

Shiki blinked, confused.

"…what?—" he shook his head suddenly, dismissing the thought just as Takuma being a crazy person. Yeah, Ichijou-san was just a weird guy. But Ichijou wouldn't worry about it---was he even aware of it?---until possibly Dr. Phil came and slapped him across the face. And then maybe not, even.

Dr. Phil probably wouldn't randomly burst in and psychoanalyze Ichijou, anyways. Dr. Phil wasn't good enough. Damn, there're a lot of celebrities mentioned here.

"Ichijo-san, why are we watching this again?" Rima asked a moment later, frowning at the movie's cheesy plot.

"What? Doesn't it just send happy vibes? We're having a sleepover! And the movie's called _Sleepover_! Ain't that ironic?" Takuma asked, beaming brightly.

"Umm. No. I actually want to sleep right now," Rima rubbed one of her eyes. Shiki nodded in agreement, yawning once again. Like a cat. Awww, Shiki-cat. Takuma looked at them, a horrified expression plastered on his face. "But that destroys the whole point of having a sleep over!"

"Huh. Funny that," Rima shrugged nonchalantly.

"You're such a killjoy," the blond pouted. The girl quirked a brow.

"Nerg?"

"Any one wants to play LIFE?" Takuma offered suddenly, shifting the conversation with a flash of his smile. Shiki and Rima blinked at Takuma as he whipped the box out from God-knows-where…considering they were all on Takuma's massive king-sized bed and said blond vampire was wearing white silk pajamas, there was a good chance the board came from his…yeah.

But Takuma's not really stuck up. So maybe only _sticks_ stuck up the you-know-what made you stuck up.

Hmm.

Anyways. Within moments Takuma explained the rules, initiated the game, and started downing what was to be 15 Vanilla Mocha Frappucchinos. And suddenly, the mystery of where he gets all his goddamn energy from is ANSWERED. Rima shot a rather nervous look at Ichijou's fridge. It emitted dulled sounds of a Starbucks café, like he had…a small army of Starbucks employees in there, or something. But it was a small fridge, and…you know what, she just…didn't want to know.

"Well, lookie here." Shiki stared at his LIFE card boredly, if not a little bit entertained. "I didn't know that a man was capable of having twins."

"Maybe you're not—ow." Takuma was immediately shushed by Rima's light poking of the ribs. The girl turned to Shiki, eyes content.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" she started.

"I don't know."

"If it's a boy, name it Hiro."

"But I want to name it Senri Jr.," Shiki yawned dryly.

"No. That's silly."

"Alright." Shiki shrugged indifferently, sticking two more pegs into their family car. Takuma frowned sadly and gazed at his own sad little car, empty of all but the little peg of HIMSELF. It turned out this way: since they, Shiki and Rima I mean, were two peas in a pod, Shiki had agreed to team up with Rima and share their money together. Of course, they always ended up bankrupt because Shiki kept on getting pregnant.

Shiki was a police officer who couldn't do shit, and Rima was a hairstylist who had an income of a plumber. Takuma was a plastic surgeon who functioned like a retarded monkey.

"Wait, that's not right," Takuma's lips had puckered once he gazed at the piles and piles of money that Rima was accumulating. "How come you're so rich? Are you stealing government tax funds like AIG? And Shiki, why do you keep getting pregnant? For God's sakes, leave some for me."

"Which? Money or fetuses?"

"Uh…both?"

"I can't help it that your eggs aren't fertilized enough, Ichijo-san." Shiki spoke up, smirking a little despite himself.

Takuma had blinked at this response, and then frowned lightheartedly. "I feel tainted."

Rima had looked up at that time, a thoughtful look on her face. "Would you like us to lend some of our ova to you, Ichijo-san?"

The blonde burned, looking away uncomfortably. Shiki snorted, stifling the laughter at his throat in success.

"Um. No. I'll manage."

Takuma shot the board a very uncomfortable look. Two more rounds later he had a baby girl whom he affectionately named 'Sakura-chan', despite being snorted at by his roommates for the cheesy commonness of the name. Takuma merely stuck out his tongue at the two while sticking the little pink peg behind him, in what he declared was the safest seat in the car, before frowning at the other vehicle several squares ahead of him and his newborn daughter. Shiki and Rima were wayyyy too close to the Finish Line.

Oh, whoops. There they go.

"Alrighty then," Ichijou clapped. "Let's clean up, kiddies."

Shiki and Rima rolled their eyes and plucked their pegs from the car, tossing them into the box on top of the folded board, while Takuma lovingly removed Sakura from her car-hole and wrapped her up in a bit of tissue paper before setting her down beside her daddy in the box, cooing to the pink peg all the while. Shiki suspected that if the peg were animate and had feelings, it would be shit scarred by Takuma's crazy child obsession by now.

"…and so, Goldilocks ran her terrified little ass away because the bears just popped outta hella nowhere and scared the crap out of her. The end," Takuma smiled brightly at the tidy white box where the board game was kept.

Shiki raised his eyes at him curiously. "Ichijo-san, what're you doing?"

"I'm telling my kids a bed time story. Unlike you neglectful parents," Takuma smiled vividly at them, if a little mockingly.

"Hey, Ichijo-san. That's not fair. Just because we took all the kids from the game doesn't mean you got to hate on us," Rima stared boredly at him on the bed, placing her chin atop her hands. Shiki yawned from his position beside her, lying neatly across the soft covers.

"FYI, one of your kids ran away. And I thought we were close enough for me to be the godfather so I took the liberty to take care of him," Takuma replied, standing up and striding towards the bed.

"You can be." Shiki shrugged, looking at him as he past them and plopped down. "Though you have to be careful about saying it."

"It sounds like you're kidnapping our child," Rima commented dryly. "You can be mistaken for a pedophile, you know that?" she added in a monotone voice.

"Pssht," Takuma waved it off, "That's okay. I'm not. And about kidnapping your child, Shiki sucks as the head of the police department. You'll never find me."

"Pedophile," Rima sang in a wind chime voice, grinning a little. Shiki smirked. Takuma ignored the two and moved on.

"Hey, did you guys by any chance notice there's only one bed?" he noted, amused.

"Yup," Shiki just nodded. "Why?"

Takuma made a face before assuming his bright smile. "Okay, we can work this out. If you'll just scoot over…"

"Why?" Shiki asked again, not moving.

"Because I'd rather not sleep on the floor, especially since this is _my room_," Takuma answered lightly, "Besides, I don't want to have a threesome as much as the next person."

"You say it like it's such a bad thing," the brunette responded mischievously.

"Shiki," Takuma said warningly. "Did you take your pills? You know how you father likes to take over your body sometimes."

"What?" Both the younger vampires' heads instantly snapped to look at him, Shiki from his upside-down position and Rima from the ceiling.

Takuma glanced at them, surprised. "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that a spoiler?"

"Yes." Rima answered. "The time skew makes it that we all know Yuuki's a Kuran but Shiki hasn't turned into Rido yet."

"Oh, good," Takuma smiled. "Well, Shiki, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the anime, and Shiki-turned-Rido could be trying to rape Ruka." He chortled.

"What?" Shiki still couldn't get over the shock, his eyes a few millimeters wider than his normal half-lidded gaze. "Daddy? Daddy would do that? To me? Ruka? Daddy?_Daddy?_" He started trembling.

The older blonde vampire smiled, "Nevermind that. Let's sleep."

And amid the frightened mumbles of a rather shell-shocked Shiki, Takuma used his crazy vampiric powers to magically turned off the lights, snuggle into a pillow and start snoring gently. Rima rolled her eyes, rolled over, and tried to soothe her terrified boyfriend. She finally succeeded, as Shiki could only cry for so long before he fell asleep. Unfortunately, despite being as slim as Ruka, boys were boys and they were fucking giants and rivaled Kain in how much bed space they took up. Rima contemplated her rather awkward position. She could either roll off the bed in the middle of the night, or sleep on Shiki. She wasn't fond of falling off a bed, and since they weren't exactly alone at the moment, she didn't really want to try the latter. Watching Takuma happily burrow into his covers, an unlighted light bulb appeared above Rima's head.

"Hey, Shiki." Rima poked the brunet boy with a hushed whisper. Her partner in crime groaned, mumbling in gibberish sentences.

"Sdslkjfg;djfg fuck."

"I'll take it that you're awake," she deadpanned. "I need you to flip Ichijou-san off the bed."

"Why?" The boy grumbled.

"Because I like my space."

"Oh. Okay," Shiki shuffled and muttered a little. There was a slight cough as he moved.

"You know I can hear you two, right?" The corners of Takuma's lip twitched. Rima blinked. When the hell did _he _wake up? The two were quiet for a minute.

"Do it anyway," Rima instructed blandly. Takuma scrambled to sit up before Shiki got him

"Haha---whoa, whoa, wait! Whoa!---Shiki—NO!"

_THUD! _

_SLAM! _

_CRASH!_

Takuma fell off from the bed with a loud insert all three above onomatopoeias, assuming that that was what those action words were for. He wasn't supposed to fall for _that long_, considering that it was just off of a bed, though it was a very large and big bed, so he did anyway.

A moment passed when it was silent, then there was a sudden 'shiiiiiiiiiing!!!' noise from down below, somewhere, like that of a sword being drawn from out of the blue. Oh, wait. It WAS a sword being drawn out of the blue. Where the hell does Takuma keep all these large hard objects?

Shiki bounded off the bed instantly, picking up Rima's lithe body as he did so. Rima threw him a wild stare, opening her mouth when a cry of a crazy bastard cut her off.

"OOOOOOH, IT'S ON! BRING IT, BITCHES! THIS IS WAR!" Takuma rose ominously, silhouetted by moonlight, the wicked grin on his face matched by the katana gleaming in his hand. Instead of impaling them, however, he chose to use them in a skewer-like fashion, stabbing several pillows with the sword and snatching them off the blade with his other hand. Takuma cackled.

"PILLOWFIGHT!!"

"SHUT UP!" Shiki gritted, his teeth clenched as they tried to hold on to the drama. He was hit in the face with a pillow, followed by Takuma's laughter.

"AHA! Got you, Shiki!" He beamed.

The brunet turned to face the older vampire, and, as if on cue, somebody backstage (probably Rido, the parental child-stalker) flung him a brick of red cement. He caught it with ease, playing with it as he tossed it up in the air and caught it again. He eyed Takuma rather predatorily. The blonde paused mid-leap, gulping, as with his other hand, Shiki summoned a blood whip. Rima popped up from under the bed, whipped a crowbar crackling with electricity out of nowhere with a bored expression on her face, and stood beside Shiki. Takuma edged away, holding tightly unto his sword and pillows.

"Oh, shit," the older blonde vampire commented simply.

.-.-.-.-.

Zero looked outside the window of Kaname's study hauntingly, his body standing stiff and dark against the heavy drapery that kept the bright sunlight from the unlighted room. He wasn't just checking the weather forecast or anything like that, he was waiting for something. He had on a grave expression.

His cell phone rang, suddenly. He looked at in all seriousness, stripping the phone from his pocket and flipping it open in stylish danger.

"What?" he hissed, forgetting himself for a moment.

"I'm sorry, man," the person replied in remorse.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't do it."

"What?" Zero asked once again, bewildered. Secretly, he was expecting this. "Why not?"

"Because… because they're just too damn _hard_ to beat, okay!?" the man replied hysterically. "You can't fight something that _pretty!_"

"Oh for Pete's sake—you can't be a damn pansy all the time. I realize that you have below average grades in Vampire Hunting School, but you're supposed to be substituting for _me_. And me, _Nicholas,_ Iloathe vampires, no matter how _pretty_ they are, because if you'll understand, Shizuka should be on a fucking Playboy spread but that didn't stop me from kill---wait, hold on, incoming call."

He grit his teeth at the interruption of his lecture, pressing a button on the phone. "Talk."

"Y'know, I don't understand _why_ you want to stay with a Kuran. Are you going gay on us?"

"What?" Zero paused, his eyes crinkling. "Who is this?"

"Your mom."

"You bastard. We've never even met before." The silver-haired hunk chided, promising to kick his ass later. Whoever he was. "Seriously, who is this?"

"I'm that guy who was guarding the Vampire Hunter's Building. Remember, where the book exploded? Yeah, it didn't happen yet, but I thought I'd just let you know."

"Oh my fucking God. What chapter are we in, because the time skews have got me off on what I should know and should not know."

"Somewhere between Ichijou's birthday party and all them vamps heading over to Aidou's mansion where it's all snowy and shit."

"Alright then—wait, incoming call." Zero muttered, pressing another button. "What?"

"Is that any way to greet your teacher, huh, punk?"

"Who the hell is this?"

"Oh, so you don't remember me now, huh?"

"Yagari-sensei?" Zero asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, punk."  
"How'd you get my number? I didn't know you have a phone, much less that you could even use one. You hate technology. They had to _pay _you to stop using the crossbow---"

"Yeah, but see. This thing is the shit. I customized it and everything. Y'know my ring tone? Yeah, it's badass. It says "FREEZE! L.A.P.D!" And the dumbasses actually fall for it—"

"Okay, that's great. Wait, I have another caller on hold." Zero mumbled deliberately, pressing a button. "What is it now?"

"HOW DO YOU USE THIS DAMN THING?!" The person shouted hysterically.

"Nicholas, that damn thing is a _sword_. What do you _think_?"

"I think that it's really _silly_ that they put ME in YOUR position. I can't pull off the damned tickle-me-emo thing that you do!"

"Thanks," The silver haired hunk replied sarcastically.

"No, I'm serious! Why did you leave, anyway? What the hell are you doing, man?!"

"Okay, first of all, what I'm dealing with now is VERY disturbing, mmm'kay? So don't bitch to me, mmm'kay?"

"GAAH! HE'S COMING!"

"Don't panic, retard! Stab him with the damned sword!"

"Oh no! Shit! 911! HELP!!"

"Drop the fucking _phone, _Nicholas---wait, hold on---"

"NO! ZERO, WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY 911 NUMBER IN JAPAN?! ZERO!"

"There's someone on the other line." Zero explained shortly and pressed a button, immediately cutting the person off.

"What do you want?"

"Zero, please open the door."

"Who is this?"

"It's Yuuki."

Zero paused. "No."

"Ah, _Zero_." Yuuki groaned at the speaker, stretching his name. There was an awkward shuffling noise. "Come on, we're supposed to stick together here and—"

"Hold that thought, somebody's calling."

"What?"

Zero pressed a button, rudely interrupting her. "I'm having a deeply emotional conversation at the moment. Say it quickly."

"Emotional Conversation? You? I'm laughing,"

"Who is this?"

"Really, are you that forgetful? Must you ask that question _everytime?_"

"Oh, Yagari-sensei," Zero mulled at the thought of his teacher waiting on the other side of the phone all that time.

"So, what's happening over there?"

"Sues, again. Do you know any pink-haired devil woman? She claims you trained us together."

"The only one I trained or _attempted _to train with you was your idiot brother. I ain't no sissy taking no punk ass spoiled pink-haired princess baby shit."

There was a sudden knock

"Kiryuu-kun, open up." Kaname's voice had smoothly traveled over the tightly packed particles of the solid mass of the cement, and because of retarded science that stated that sound was actually amplified most by solids; the voice had gotten ridiculously louder.

"Who was that?"

"Kuran," Zero had spoken spitefully into the microphone.

"What?"

"I said—"

"I heard you, idiot. What does he want?"

"You want _me_ to ask _him_." That wasn't a question. More like a bluffing statement."

"Well, what do you think he wants?"

"Probably for me to open the door—hold on, there's another person calling."

"How the hell did you suddenly have so many friends?—"

Zero pressed a button. "Talk."

There was another knock from Kaname.

"I suppose that was Kuran, huh?" the person from the phone spoke up all of a sudden, snorting.

"Who are you?"

"I'm the guy, remember? I'm not important enough to have a name."

"Oh, right. How did you hear the knock?"

"I have no life and so I try very hard. What does he want with you?"

"It's complicated."

"Well, hold your ground. Don't open the door, dammit."

"Mhhm. Hold on." Zero pressed a button again. "Yeah?"

"I… I did it…"

"Who is this?"

"I DID IT! Can you believe it, Zero!? I actually, _finally_ beat the virtual vampire!"

"Nicholas, huh? Good for you."

"After all my years of training, I can _finally finally_ go be a—"

"---vampire hunter." Zero finished for him.

"No, I didn't finish Vampire Hunter School yet. But I can finally be a Level 3!"

"What did you do to the virtual vampire?"  
"I unplugged the plug from the socket. So, what're you—"

There was a knock at the door again.

"What was that?"

"Kuran," Zero answered for the third time.

"WHAT!?"

"I said—"

"I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID! HE'S THE VAMPIRE KING! I'm a totally _big fan_—"

"Kiryuu-kun, are you going to tell everyone about this?" Kaname had called from the door patiently, rolling his majestic eyes.

"Ignore him," Zero muttered into the phone.

"Zero, whatever you do, don't piss him off."

"Whose side are you on?"

"I heard that," Kaname interjected, smirking a little.

"No, it's just because Kaname Kuran is _glorious_. Have you ever seen him before? He'd totally be my idol if he wasn't a vampire. Oh shit, can you get me his autograph---"

"Uh-huh." Zero muttered in a sarcastic tone, ending the subject. "Hold on, there's an incoming--"

"---BYE KANAME!"

"—call." Zero finished, the word trailing on his lips. He paused to gaze at the doorway. Stupid pureblood converting future Vampire Hunters into Vampire Fanatics. He grumbled hatefully to himself, pressing a button on the phone at the meantime.

"Yeah?"

"I just came to say, whatever you do, don't give in to the fucking vampire, okay?"  
"Who is this?"

"Dammit, boy. You're ruining the mood. Anyway, you're supposed to be my student. So don't damage the name."

"Is that all? I have an incoming call again—"

"Wait, no, I'm supposed to lecture you right now on—"

Zero pressed a button. "Talk."

"Get off of the phone, Kiryuu. I am getting tired of this game."

"Who is this?"

"Oh, for the love of my dead parents."

"Kuran? Why the hell are you talking to me---!?"

"That's great. Let me finish."

"Hold on," Zero mumbled angrily, "There's someone calling me again—"

"Don't you dare."

"Oh please," Zero snorted, pressing a button on the phone again and bringing it to his cramping ear. "Who is this?"

"It's Yuuki! Who are you talking to!? Because this dilemma is more important that any stupid Vampire Hunter Conversation that—"

"Your brother."  
"What?" Yuuki's voice paused on the phone.

"I said—"

"Nu-uh."

"Yuh-huh. I mean, yes."

"Oh. Really? Wow."

"Yeah."  
"Hold on, I'll call him."

"Aren't you two in the same room?"

"…actually, I'm in the bathroom. I was in the hot tub before you sealed off all the doors---"

"I don't want to know."

"Alrighty, then. I'm putting you on hold."

Zero shrugged his shoulders before the phone line dropped, finally being allowed time to crack his necks and whatnot. His phone rang in just a few seconds, though.

"Yeah?"

"It's Kaname, before you can even ask. Who did you rudely interrupt our call to talk to?"

"Yuuki," The silver-haired hunk said simply. "She's calling you right now."

The phone line was dead before Zero could even blink. Finally, again, time to deliberate on how and why he fucking hated vampires so much. His phone rang again.

"Zero! I can't call nii-san!"

"He's supposed to be calling you right now."  
"What?" Yuuki blinked, her voice now easing up a bit.

"I said—"

"No, no. I heard you, I was just surprised. Then I guess I'll hang up now—"

"Hold on," Zero interrupted her and pressed a button on his phone once more. "Hello?"

"Yuuki's line is busy." Kaname's voice came. "Did you—"

"Yes."

The pureblood sighed. "This is getting ridiculous. Open the damned door now."

"No. Do you know how long it took for the cement to dry?" Zero replied agitatedly.

"Yes, I've had to go to the bathroom all this time." Kaname answered, irritated as well. "And I'd prefer it if my little sister isn't _cemented_ in it."

"The answer's still no."

"Like it's your choice." And that was the only time Kaname had ever snorted. "I gave you options. Now I'm tearing it down."

There was a growled "DAMMIT!" from Zero before the cement wall had been mercilessly demolished.

"Excellent," said Kaname as he polished off invisible lint from his silk-robed shoulder, looking down on Zero emerging from the rubble, "Now, please excuse me. And please get rid of your supply of add-water-and-stir cement."

Zero grumbled. And because Kaname then threatened to punt him all the way to the Sues' rooms, he actually did so. But this didn't stop him from building a fort and arming it by stripping himself of metal and making weapons out of anything he could find after both purebloods went to sleep.

.-.-.-.-.

Early the next morning, the majority of the Night Class had gathered once again in Kaname's suite, this time having dared to sneak into the hallway, thankfully unsentried by rampaging Mary Sues. Even perfect girls needed beauty sleep. So, dragging a bedraggled and rather confused Seiren with them, they had sojourned to Kaname's door, barging in and causing Zero to jump and load his gun in a record 0.03 seconds.

"It's almost time," Aidou yawned. It had not been a good night. Two men did not sleep well together in one bed, no matter how large, especially since the second one was a damn giant. Eventually somehow during the night he had unconsciously crawled out of his cousin's unscented bed and into his own lavender-scented one, grabbed the nearest soft thing and snuggled to sleep. Kain had woken him in the morning by twisting his arm over so hard it cracked. It was all good now, though---thank them vampire genes.

"So, how do we go about this?" Takuma questioned, picking imaginary lint off of his pristine suit. He had slept well. Or, rather, he had been knocked out fifteen seconds after Shiki and Rima launched themselves at him, but at least nobody had given him a wake up call via breaking his arm at the godforsaken early hours of the evening. "I suggest we go in pairs. Or, as pair-y as we can get. They're less likely to attack us if we're with girls, aren't they?"

Takuma then beamed and threw an arm around a still clueless Seiren, and Yuuki smiled happily up at her brother. Shiki was still sleeping on Rima's shoulder. At this observation, there was a sudden movement as Aidou leapt over five people to land beside Ruka, accidentally knocking her over, clutching the girl's arm.

"You did that, but you knew that I'd already have said no, right?" The beautiful, platinum (once gold-auburn-chestnut) haired vampire girl said in a scornful tone.

"First come, first serve," he snapped at her, to the amusement of most. For the second time this morning, the blond was pinned with a look of deepest loathing from his cousin. At least this one ended faster---and with no broken appendages.

"Ruka, do you have any objections?" Kaname questioned. The girl paused, cocked her head and sighed.

"Fine, Hanabusa. You better use your sparkly ass to keep that red-haired devil woman away from me, though. I will not tolerate last night's…_incident_ again."

"Done deal," said sparkly-assed blonde nodded enthusiastically.

.-.-.-.-.

It wasn't that bad, really. Not so much with the half mutant Day Class girls, raging and trying to chase Takuma fangirlishy in a horde of half bats and half fishes, being more forceful and evident as possible with their newfound animal powers. Though it got much, much worse when one of the half bat-girls discovered how to fly by flapping her right bat ear, and then told another girl. Then one thing led to the other, and before you knew it, they were chasing him with their right ears flapping wildly at the air like broken helicopters, putting Dumbo the Giant-eared Fluttering Elephant to shame.

But at least everyone was still alive, right? They survived, and that was a very good thing. And the Chairman had promised that if they just continued to live their normal, vampire angst high school lives shoujo romance the same, then the Sues would tire and all would be well.

Or course, no one had this much optimism than Seiren— err, Takuma. Speaking of which, what did happen to Seiren? Takuma looked around. He could have SWORN she was JUST right beside him. Maybe with her crazy tracker/assassin skills she'd seen Princess Mizuki a mile away and used same said crazy tracker/assassin skills to escape him. Takuma frowned. Well that's unfortunate.

Takuma fidgeted nervously. The group had left the Moon Dorms about an hour ago, and were currently a few feet away from the gates that would allow them to pass to Cross Academy while the Day Class swarmed by the sidelines. Beside him stood the group of Kain, Aidou and Ruka, Aidou perfecting his charming smile as Ruka pointedly ignored him, with Kain as the supervisor, ready to pull the two apart---or rather, pull _Aidou_ apart---should anything inappropriate happen. Aidou had latched onto Ruka's arm and whined the entire time to the gate, and had only recently regained his elegance, snatching Ruka's books in what he decided was a gentlemanly fashion and slinging his arm over the annoyed girl's shoulders. On Takuma's other side were Shiki and Rima, being Shiki and Rima. There was nothing usual about them hanging with each other. In front of Takuma stood Kaname, looking all pureblood and regal and all that jazz. Yuuki promised she would show up to class later, because despite the fact that she was Kaname's sister and all, she was still a Prefect, because the reality rips screwed time over, confusing the bloody hell out of Zero, who was hanging with her and kind of wanting to kill her at the same time. Takuma took a deep breath, glancing around before fixing his eyes on the gate, just waiting for something bad to happen. He knew the second those things swung open, evil in the form of devilishly perfect women would greet them. Or, at least until Day Class girls caught on again and started ambushing them in dimly lit corners of the gardens.

"Hey," Shiki suddenly appeared without the need of an entrance, obviously still half-asleep, muttering half-heartedly, "What's up, Ichijou?"

"I feel uneasy, Shiki." Takuma confessed. "You know, like how you get around male actors like Klint Eeestwood and Jawrj Cluenee? Yeah, like that."

Shiki eyed him. "Why are you speaking like that?" he asked, like he could SEE how Ichijou was spelling the names he was saying, but he's Shiki so maybe he can.

"For copyright purposes," Ichijou informed him.

"Hn," said Shiki, because he's really creative. The gates began to open, and Takuma swallowed nervously. Striding in step next to the indifferent boy, Takuma smiled guiltily.

"Well, at least it's not so bad as how you get around Tom Krooz ."

"That's not fair," Shiki made a face. "His thing is fucking insane." His mouth opened again when he knew that Takuma was just going to have to comment on that one.

"Shut up, Ichijou. Please."

"But I still feel really uneasy, though." Takuma continued anyway, forgetting all past conversation. Being Takuma, and my writing style, he just had to pause like that because he was going to add something to it. Shiki shrugged and shuffled away to hide behind Rima as Day Class cheers and the faces of Yuuki and Zero appeared. The gate clanged open. Aidou screamed.

The Sue-girls stood in a small group right in front of the gate, and Takuma was surprised they were all looking decent, quite pretty in uniform. Ginerva was the closest to the gate, and had French braided the longer loose strands around her face and pinned them to the back of her head, where the rest of her hair was scrunched up. Princess Mizuki stood by her, chatting, with all her waterfall of blonde hair tied up in a high ponytail, styled and curled to perfection. Nahano and Akuras had their backs to the gate. Akura had her hair pulled up in a fashionably messy bun on the back of her head, a few loose, curly strands falling to her shoulders, but Nahano's hair was as normal, and Aidou gulped. Mikako had taken her long pink hair down in a cascade of pink waves, and had a white headband with a massive red rose on the side hold it back from her face. Finally, in the middle of the group, there was a girl they had not yet met.

"Kaname," Takuma sidled up to the Big Man slowly, "Who's that?"

"That," the pureblood replied sadly, "Is my Sue."

The girl looked a few years older than the others, and more mature. She had thick, ash-navy hair in two loose braids, and bangs that curled at eyebrow-height, with eyes such a pale blue they were almost white, like them Hyuugas. But she wasn't a Hyuuga, so they weren't white. She was Sayaka Mochizuki.

Princess Mizuki was the first to spot the Night Class walking through the gates, probably because the screams of Day Class girls who were still human escalated 50 decibels. With a happy gasp, she started to dash for Takuma, who winced and prayed for Seiren (a prayer that went sadly unanswered), but Sayaka, fulfilling her prophesized role of Leader, frowned and grabbed her arm. With an apologetic smile, she waited until Takuma was near before bowing deeply.

"Ichi-kun," she said sweetly, "I'm so sorry for yesterday, I was a little nervous. Would you allow me the pleasure of walking to school with you?"

"Erm," said Takuma, his head whipping around searching for a head of silver hair. "Er, I suppose so, Mizuki-san."

"Teehee!" said Mizuki, looping her arm through his and shooting sly smiles at the Ichijou Fangirls who proceeded to hiss at her. With rueful glances at said fan club, Takuma permitted himself to be escorted down the cobblestone pathway, passing a distressed looking Zero, who was trying to inch away from Mikako without seeming impolite. Or really, without killing her. Zero didn't care much about politeness, only how much the Chairman went Hunter on his ass for killing a Sue.

Ginerva, instead of launching herself at Shiki, instead approached Ruka, who was snorting at the way Aidou was hiding behind her.

"Hi," she smiled prettily at Ruka, "I'm Ginerva Genesis, you can call me Ginny."

Ruka blinked, assessed her, and replied curtly, "Ruka Soen."

"Friends?" Ginny offered her hand to Ruka. Ruka stared at the blue-haired girl incredulously, but manners propelled her to take said hand, to the collective groan of everyone else present. Ginny bounced, clapped, snatched Ruka (to a furious yelp from Aidou) and began discussing clothes. As much as Ruka loved clothes, she wasn't distracted enough not to catch Ginerva winking at Nahano and Akura, both of whom promptly attacked.

"Miss me?" Akura smiled at Kain. The redhead started down at his fellow redhead.

"I'm sorry, not really," he replied as politely as such a REJECTED line would allow.

"Well, that's alright. We can work on that. Like Mizu-chan said, sorry about yesterday. We were all a bit excited, we didn't mean to frighten you, or freak you out or anything."

Kain, being Kain and much too kind and forgiving, shrugged. "That is fine. I'm assuming you know who I am?"

"Yes. And in case you didn't catch it, I'm Akura Neos."

"Aa."

Catching his gaze, Akura followed it to where Ruka was trying to rid herself of a blue-haired ball of bipolar. Seriously. The girl was all emo the day before, and suddenly she was more chipper than Mizuki and Mikako and Yuuki on a good day combined.

"You look like you want to go save her or something. Ginny doesn't bite. Serious."

Kain looked down at the Ruka replica smiling up at him and sighed. Ruka needed more friends---not counting himself, Aidou and Rima---and who better than…a crazy blue-haired Sue?

"We'll be late for class," he said in a bored tone, and started walking. Akura smiled evilly to herself and followed with a bounce in her step, sweeping by Ruka and shifting until she was half an inch away from Kain. She grinned at the scandalized look on Ruka face, and frowned when the platinum blonde was distracted from being mentally pwned by Aidou's terrified shriek.

"Hanabusa!" Ruka hissed, shaking Ginerva off and stalking towards Aidou, "Get a hold of yourself! For goodness sakes, there are _people_ around!"

Ginny took this opportunity to sneak towards Shiki and glomp him from behind. Though Rima looked scandalized, she was tired from beating Takuma's ass the night before, and left him choking to fend for himself.

Aidou blinked and looked around at the Aidou Fanclub, most of which had ignored his immature, desperate cries for help and were throwing their books and homework at Nahano. The black-haired girl glared at Ruka as she approached.

"What the hell are you doing here? Go away, you hag."

Aidou's eyes widened as the Day Class _ooooh_ed_._ Uh-oh. Catfight.

Ruka drew herself up to her full height, eyes suddenly adopting a rather malevolent glint. Before Nahano could react, Ruka had slapped the girl sharply across one cheek so hard she got whiplash, then backhanded her across the other, two crisp snapping sounds sounding in the air. Aidou suspected Ruka might have broken his Sue's cheekbone. Or both.

"Remember your _place_," the blonde said coldly as Nahano stared up at her with watery eyes. Turning away with a disgusted flip of her hair, she snatched Aidou's arm as Nahano ran past, wailing, "Akuraaaaaaa…!"

The redhead ahead of them turned to catch her short best friend, shooting Ruka a vicious glare as Rima moved up to stand beside her friend.

"She's coming towards us," the model commented dryly, observing the rather annoyed look Kain was giving his cousin.

"You're not going to go help Shiki?" Ruka questioned, pulling her hair over a shoulder. Both turned to watch Shiki walking steadily forward with a half-asleep expression, dragging a hyperactive Ginerva on his back, acting like he didn't even know she was there. Rima turned back to Ruka, who shrugged as Akura neared. The redhead set her hands on her hips and went all up in Ruka's face.

"Hi. What was that for?"

"She's crazy," Ruka replied flatly. "She scares Hanabusa shitless."

"Don't swear, Ruka, it's unsightly."

"Shush, Rima."

"If Hanabusa had some balls like Suki-kun, he's turn around and scare her right back," the redheaded Ruka clone snorted. "It's called _slapstick_ comedy, bitch."

Rima coughed. "I'm going to…go over there. See you, Ruka."

"Thanks. You're a fantastic friend."

"No problem. I want a copy of your French notes."

"You got it," Ruka said dryly as Rima detached herself from the impending catfight and went to join the rest of the class, who were all ignoring the scene and trying to get inside a building as fast as possible. Except Kain, who was looking back, seeming worried, but he had a sobbing, traumatized Hanabusa to deal with.

"Bring it, redhead," Ruka cocked a hip. Akura scowled, jumping at Ruka, and scrambled back as Ruka shot a blast of air at her face with a twist of her wrist. Before Akura could rebound, another voice sounded behind them:

"Ah. Kitty has claws."

Akura stiffened, and Ruka turned. A tall vampire in a Night Class uniform stood behind her, shirt unbuttoned, one hand in his pocket. He had golden hair with caramel highlights swept back from his brow in a neat coif a la Dr. Chase from House. Ruka eyed him appraisingly. She'd never seem him before, so he was new, but nobody had ever heard of a male Sue before and Ruka wasn't sure of if such a species existed, so she supposed he was just some rich boy she'd never met before and therefore predominantly safe. Akura frowned, stood, brushed off and ran towards Kain. Ruka continued staring at the newcomer as Zero and Yuuki finished clearing the all too excited Day Class from the peripheries of the cobblestone pathway towards the Sun Dorms.

"Man, I hate her," he grinned at her charmingly. Ruka blinked.

"You just met her," she replied, brushing her skirt off and starting to walk towards the Academy again. The handsome stranger grinned, and quickly followed.

"And when, may I ask, did _you_ meet her?"

Ruka frowned. "…yesterday."

"A-ha." He leaned over and grinned in her face. She let out a weak smile.

"Okay, I see your point. They're quite easy to hate."

"I knew it."

"I don't even really know most of them," Ruka admitted, nearing the group. Akura was bitching about her to Kain, who was pointedly ignoring her, Nahano was crying on Aidou, who was also crying, and Princess Mizuki was beaming up at a nervous-looking Takuma. The pink-haired girl was still chasing Zero Kiryuu around, and Shiki and the blue-haired girl had collapsed at the side of the road.

"Rima," Ruka called, and pointed to Shiki. With a bored roll of the eyes, Rima headed over and slung his arm around her shoulders, to the loud protests of Ginny.

"That's…Ginerva Genesis," Ruka said to the golden-haired newcomer beside her, making use of her excellent memory. "The redhead is Akura Neos, the crazy crying girl is Nahano Kitamura Rachel Gray Unlimited, and psychopath on Takuma-sama is…um, Princess Mizuki Tsunami…Sarah…Elizabeth Taylor Hanaki," she finished with a little effort, looking kindly upon her companion. He grinned.

"Her name's not really Mizuki Tsunami whatever-whatever," the charmingly handsome boy said.

"What?" Ruka blinked at him.

"It's really Reneesme," he replied, "But who would want a stupid name like that?"

"I see your point. How on Earth did you know that? You're new, aren't you?"

"I'm her twin brother."

Ruka almost walked into a tree. Composing herself, she looked at him closer. Sure enough, one of his eyes was a deep molten gold, and the other a dark, rich blue. Ruka sighed, turning away.

"And I thought you were decent," she said accusingly. He put his hands up.

"I am, I swear," he said quickly, "I voted for the family to disown her!"

"Family? There's MORE of you?!"

"Weird, isn't it?"

Ruka sighed, and ran a hand through her platinum-blonde hair. "I didn't know there were male Sues, or I would have avoided you like the Plague."

"There weren't," he replied. "But we're having a bit of a population crisis back in Sueland, what with losing all our women to you people."

"People are really falling for them?"

"You know, I'm not really sure what goes on when they leave Sueland. They either make the catch, die, or stay anyways. One of the court ladies recently decided she was going to be a ninja, so she traveled over to the ninja world and tried to seduce some hottie and the guy's _real _girl showed up and is currently kicking her ass up and down the skyline. Her name was Karin."

"Huh."

"Yeah. It's pretty weird stuff. Oh, my cousin came with me, by the way...lazy ass, no idea where he's gone off to. My father decided _someone _who _wasn't_ Nene---Reneesme---Mizuki---ugh, _my sister_, had to carry on the Royal Line, and he tagged along because he was bored."

"Royal---you're _royalty_?"

"Of course," he grinned and swept a bow, accosting Ruka's hand and kissing it. "Prince Tsutomu Hanaki, at your service. At least Nene isn't making up the princess part, right?"

"Huh," Ruka replied, a little dumbfounded. At this moment, Aidou turned from trying to ward Nahano off, spotted the two at the back of the group, and poked Kain.

"Akatsuki," he nudged, "Look."

Kain turned, and frowned.

"Who's he?"

"I don't know," Aidou replied, batting at Nahano, "I don't like it."

Just at the moment the Day Class finished clearing out, Sayaka looked like she was about to approach Kaname. Yuuki swiftly leapt over and whacked the Sue Leader upside the head with Artemis. The girl frowned at the pureblood, before smiling wanly at Kaname and running over to pull her fellow Sues off their men so she could tramp towards the main Academy doors looking loved and popular.

"Where's Kiryuu?" Kaname asked Yuuki. Yuuki grinned.

"Zero thought he could escape the cotton candy Lolita girl by taking Day classes instead of coming with us. So she switched courses. I suspect he'll be switching here soon. More protection, see."

Kaname frowned in an amused way, putting an arm around his little sister. As the Sues regrouped and entered Cross Academy, an ominous sound echoed from the building as it began turning a rosy tint of pink.

"What is that sound?" Yuuki asked nervously, entwining her arm around her brother's.

"That," Kaname said grimly, "Is the sound of canon being raped."

"Oh. I thought it was the theme song to the anime." Yuuki said.

"Same thing."

"Right."

.-.-.-.-.

"Ruka, who is this?"

Ruka looked up as Aidou plopped down on the desk in front of her, eyeing Tsutomu suspiciously.

"This is Tsutomu Hanaki," Ruka replied with a flip of her hair. "Princess Mizuki's brother. He's the heir to Sueland. He's not dangerous," she added quickly as Aidou bared his teeth at him.

"Huh," the blond vampire lord said stiffly. "Hey, I think I hear Rima calling for you. Go help her with Shiki?"

Ruka raised a platinum-blonde eyebrow at her childhood friend, but nonetheless obeyed, making sure to walk a large perimeter around Akura Neos, who had sat her little butt down on Ruka's normal seat next to Kain. As soon as Aidou thought she was out of immediate hearing range, he fixed his blue eyes on Tsutomu.

"Stay away from her," Aidou snapped. "She's---"

"Yours?"

The blond flushed, before regaining his compure. "That is _so_ not what I was going to say. She's _his_," Aidou pointed at his cousin. Tsutomu arched a royal eyebrow.

"But he has the redheaded bitch."

Aidou chortled before he remembered who he was talking to. "Yeah, well, he doesn't _want _the redheaded bitch."

"Maybe he should tell her that."

"He won't. He's too nice. But the point is---" Aidou paused, one ear twitching as Ruka neared. He stood up quickly.

"I'm watching you," he muttered with finality. Tsutomu inclined his head with a smile as Ruka returned with Rima, sat back down, and crossed her arms at Aidou.

"Terrorizing Hanaki-san, Hanabusa? Shame on you."

"Of course not, Barbie," Aidou grinned, snatching a lock of her bright blonde hair and kissing it, causing Ruka to blush and swat at him. "Why would I do such a thing? See you later, Ruka. Hanaki."

Her blond friend beamed at her cheerfully and turned. Immediately his expression shifted and he left with a frown, heading back to the place he abandoned near Kain.

"Shoo," he told Akura, Nahano, Mizuki and Ginny, who had gathered around the Kain/Shiki/Takuma/Aidou table. When they didn't budge, he hissed at them. "I'm serious," Aidou snapped, "I'll deal with your bullshit later, leave us alone. Go fret about your leader or something."

Trading blank glances, the Sues obliged and left the table as Yagari entered to teach the class. Most of them _did_ go to Sayaka, who was reading a book near Kaname and being hissed at by Yuuki, but Mizuki turned halfway and bounded for her brother instead.

"Nice, Aidou," Shiki muttered from the safety of his arms. Takuma grinned fondly down at him, before looking up at Aidou.

"Did you hear that almost-catfight earlier?" Takuma beamed. Aidou cocked his head.

"Which one?"

"Redhead."

"Yeah, I heard that."

"It was like…" Takuma's eyes were glittering. "It was like, Sakura vs. Karin."

"Or Namine vs. Kairi," Shiki added dully. He had gotten up in the middle of night after Rima and Takuma were asleep to explore the world of Kingdom Hearts.

"Or, you know, Ruka vs. Akura," Aidou said lightly.

"Who's Karin?" Kain asked. He was promptly hit in the face with all currently published volumes of Naruto Shippuuden.

"We have a problem," Aidou leaned in, prompting his fellow males to do the same. "Male _Sues_."

He was blinked at.

"Come on, guys!" Aidou frowned. "They're going to steal the girls. I mean, seriously. I was just over there and Ruka's being _nice._"

"Maybe she caught my OOC last night," Shiki's muffled voice offered.

"Not likely," Takuma frowned as Seiren suddenly appeared and made a beeline for Kaname, "Aidou-kun, they're not stupid."

Just then, another tall, lankly figure followed her in. A few tables back, Tsutomu leapt up.

"Hey, Haruna, man! What's up?"

"'Tomu," the newcomer yawned, to the utter distaste of Yagari.

"You're Haruna Ryuji Tsukiyomi the Third, then?" the vampire hunter gnawed at the butt end of a cigar, examining his suddenly doubled class roster. "Sit your ass down, boy. We're starting in fifteen minutes."

Tsutomu's male Sue cousin yawned and walked right by Yagari to plop down by Rima at the Ruka/Tsutomu table,and promptly fall asleep. There was silence at the Kain/Shiki/Takuma/Aidou table for a second, before Takuma said in a frightened whisper, "Dude…Shiki, it's you…"

"No, he only _acts_ like Shiki," Aidou said in a slightly frightened voice. "But, Akatsuki…doesn't he look…familiar?"

Kain turned and stared at Haruna, whom Ruka was also staring at with a strange expression. Haruna had long, inky black hair tumbling around his shoulders to mid-back, a long, sculpted face and nose, pale skin, and currently half-lidded dark blue eyes lined with long black lashes. The redhead turned back around and stared at Aidou.

"Ruka's second oldest brother," he deadpanned as Ruka seemed to also reach that conclusion and whisper to Rima.

Aidou blanched. "Azuma Soen…? Oh, Lord. Didn't Rima have a crush on Azuma a few decades ago?"

_That_ woke Shiki up.

"This _is_ a problem," Takuma said grimly as he grabbed Shiki's arm for good measure.

"The black-haired guy looks like Azuma and acts like Shiki," Aidou said in a scared voice. "And the brown-haired guy…he's tall like Kain…he's nice like Kain…he's charmin' like Kain…he's rich like Kain…dude, the only difference is he _openly_ flirts with Ruka, and you know, Akatsuki, I think that's your main problem, you're not _vocal_ enough to her, I mean, she's not stupid, but---oh God, he just gave her flowers. Where did he pull them out from? I don't actually want to know. You know, Akatsuki, flowers would be nice once in a while, right?"

Kain grunted with a frown.

"That's it," Shiki sat up, alert, eyes narrowed and focused on Haruna Ryuji Tsukiyomi III as said person's head rolled over and landed on a surprised Rima's shoulder. "Come on. This isn't funny anymore. This is WAR."

* * *

A/N: _You can probably tell who writes what in this story, since ShyLikeThat is a predominant comedy writer and I am a predominant angst writer, and I attribute those facts to the fact that she deals with Aidou and Yori, bright, happy people, and I deal with Kain and Ruka who are so emotionless they're like ICE. Another big hint: she says 'Ichijou', I say 'Takuma.'_

**Open Sub-Writer Spots for the Day Class:**

_Head of the _Takuma Ichijou Fanclub

_Head of the _Hanabusa Aidou Fanclub

_Head of the _Akatsuki Kain Fanclub

_Head of the _Senri Shiki Fanclub

_Head of the _Kaname Kuran Fanclub

_You may name and design your Fanclub President, as well as dictate their personality, actions and thus forth. You will also be called upon in later chapters for Sue-Killing schemes by the Day Class girls. _

_Spots open for one week (heehee!). _

A cookie (and maybe something else?) to the first person to catch all the pop culture references in the story. We'll give you a number hint if you ask nicely. And yes, 'LIFE,' 'George Clooney' and 'Vampire Knight anime' count. We were cheap this time.


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